Bringin' the 10 back

1) Wednesday night cards: “No! I’d rather be the ass than the hole.”

2) Discovering a hole in my head and showing it to everyone who will look.

3) AC’s new showerhead lying on the living room floor looks like an industrial-sized sex toy.

4) Thanksgiving dinner conversation topics: What do you do with a vibrator you no longer want?

5) SL, highly amused that we had a dinner guest from Turkey on Turkeyday, yelling TURKEY! whenever she wanted to get his attention. I thought it was funny. But maybe if you’re that guy it’s not? No, I vote funny.

6) Tiny dogs who are afraid of terrifyingly large cats. Maybe not so funny, that cat is no joke.

7) Celebrity: every time someone gets J-Lo they spank their ass & everyone yells J-Lo. Except for me, who EVERY TIME, yells Spankrock. Seriously, Spankrock was in the bowl…why did everyone but me get J-Lo from that hint and why did I not remember that as the universal sign for J-Lo after the first 3 or 4 times it happened? I suck at that game.

8) In response to telling him that my sister is pregnant, JM (who knows absolutely nothing about my sister) asks, “Does she know who the dad is?” Me: “Uh, I’m hoping it’s her husband.” Is that the normal reaction to pregnancy these days? I need to get out more.

9) People not knowing if they want to hit on me or MC and then deciding to just go for both of us at the same time seems to be the new norm. This weekend it was a hot lesbian who tried to yo-yo herself between us…this brings up entirely new issues about what kind of vibe are we sending out.

10) People who adamantly defend their skillz:

Me: “Maybe she did that cause you’re bad in bed.”
Skillz: “No, I’m great in bed! Ask anyone who’s had sex with me.”
Me: “I don’t know anyone who’s had sex with you.”
Skillz: “I’ll find you someone!”

Never let your rep fall into question people.