the New Slang

Here, some words I guess you should learn about. Just two for now, but if you want to contribute to the vocab lesson, feel free. Maybe we can write a book about it in 2k8 or something.

"Lasers"
a word Conrad's trying to convince me that he's been saying for weeks, but actually only started using it two days ago. He and Andy say it to each other. It means awesome (I think), as in "that's lasers", and is also used as a greeting. I might be wrong.

"Rapey"
we have Lauren to thank for that one. I think it's mostly about Conrad, but then this whole blog is mostly about Conrad, so there you go.

i dont care

yes. chuck e cheese. very funny. thanks conrad.
i hate when people lie about card skills.
when he asked me about spank rock (?) i told him that i didnt know what he was talking about and when he told me the dj was sitting right behind me what did i say conrad? i dont care.
i was still drunk when i went to work today
real drunk.
my coworkers gave hotwaiter my phone number today.
and no matter how tired i am i never want to stop playing cards.

the kolos brothers are having a fight. they need your help! could everyone please vote in a comment whether or not you think lasers can change colours?

the gang gets over Silk City?

In lieu of TFT, here's just a quick overview of the night (maybe pictures soon too? maybe not):

1. The movies. You don't need to pay for movies if you know the right people (FXF, Joe, Mo, Nick? Eternal thanks, for real). So, I was going to see that Bob Dylan thing last night at 10, but got a little carried away at Target, didn't get to my house 'til 10, and we were for sure going to miss the beginning (which is worst ever), so decided not to go. Got a text that they were waiting for us to get there before starting the movie.
Oops.
But srsly, Fran. Thanks for making me feel important (or...something).

2. Silk City. I took a minute off and quit for like two weeks. Last night we came back in full effect and found:

a. SA, his hoodie, and his 3 friends took over our (giant) booth leaving us (perhaps too) cozy, next one over,
b. the music got kind of lame (right, M?)
c. all the girls got highlights and sparkly shirts,
d. and all the boys wore their c.2k6 keffiyeh ('cause they're so mad at the Israelis?) - it hasn't come back yet. Keeping waiting.

Let's find a new scene or something. It's too cold at night to cross Market let alone Spring Garden. Let's save our dancing for Making Time, and walk to Pope the rest of the nights? I heard they got couches/let's sit on them.

3. Lessons. Sarah forgot her id.

a. Knowing Tony a little doesn't really cut it. I think he made some comment about how they'd let her in at Chuck E. Cheese, maybe she should try there.
b. Conrad is super nice and will drive your friend all the way home and back to get that ID for round two.

4. Neighbors. I'm glad Andy doesn't get tired of 1536, and that Conrad isn't too tired of us yet either: it's only been, well, it hasn't been any time at all really, you don't even live there yet. I also liked both the pre-Silk and post-Silk parts of the night better than the middle. Not that the middle was terrible (like a million funny things happened...) but it left something to be desired (See #2).

5. Jay Kolos. I don't really understand why he doesn't hang out with us more. Everyone (mostly Andy, but a little bit everyone else too) gets so excited when he shows up someplace. I also like the new plan where he comes down to our house to be our fourth because Andy doesn't play. This also frees Andy up for baking and drink making: just the way we like it.

6. Rob. Conrad always makes it seem like it's impossible to get Rob to do something - when in reality the phone call goes like this:

"Hey Rob, Conrad said you're being dumb and won't go to Silk City. Will you go?"
"Yeah, okay, I'll see you there soon."
"K, bye."

7. Mondaze. Speaking of Rob, let's study up and hit his Quizzo for real. I probably won't be good at it, but I slipped him a couple category ideas. It could be our new Monday. And maybe Monday will be our new Thursday? Especially if it ends in another state with one dollar bowling, one dollar drinks, and one dollar food. Sign me up.

8. "MY HEART IS PURE, MOTHERFUCKER!"

9. Making Time: what happened to your flier? Sorry about it. The last one with the flowers was so nice...and now what? Anyway, let's put it in our g-cals, it's been good lately.

10. I'm so tired of not hearing. Let's find a Miracle Cure - and fast.

Bringin' the 10 back

1) Wednesday night cards: “No! I’d rather be the ass than the hole.”

2) Discovering a hole in my head and showing it to everyone who will look.

3) AC’s new showerhead lying on the living room floor looks like an industrial-sized sex toy.

4) Thanksgiving dinner conversation topics: What do you do with a vibrator you no longer want?

5) SL, highly amused that we had a dinner guest from Turkey on Turkeyday, yelling TURKEY! whenever she wanted to get his attention. I thought it was funny. But maybe if you’re that guy it’s not? No, I vote funny.

6) Tiny dogs who are afraid of terrifyingly large cats. Maybe not so funny, that cat is no joke.

7) Celebrity: every time someone gets J-Lo they spank their ass & everyone yells J-Lo. Except for me, who EVERY TIME, yells Spankrock. Seriously, Spankrock was in the bowl…why did everyone but me get J-Lo from that hint and why did I not remember that as the universal sign for J-Lo after the first 3 or 4 times it happened? I suck at that game.

8) In response to telling him that my sister is pregnant, JM (who knows absolutely nothing about my sister) asks, “Does she know who the dad is?” Me: “Uh, I’m hoping it’s her husband.” Is that the normal reaction to pregnancy these days? I need to get out more.

9) People not knowing if they want to hit on me or MC and then deciding to just go for both of us at the same time seems to be the new norm. This weekend it was a hot lesbian who tried to yo-yo herself between us…this brings up entirely new issues about what kind of vibe are we sending out.

10) People who adamantly defend their skillz:

Me: “Maybe she did that cause you’re bad in bed.”
Skillz: “No, I’m great in bed! Ask anyone who’s had sex with me.”
Me: “I don’t know anyone who’s had sex with you.”
Skillz: “I’ll find you someone!”

Never let your rep fall into question people.

TURNING INTO THIS GUY OR SOMETHING

All Sue, Sarah and I really did this weekend was paint houses, watch TV, work and eat. Then I went to a sports bar last night to watch football.

For real!

PS - Thanks, Sue and JB, for the help, and to Sarah/Marilyn/etc. for the company.

(we are) pilgrimz

My favorite parts of Holiday this year:

1. HZ got mad at me because I guess 5 years ago I told her I was an Eskimo. She found out last night that I'm white. Really white.

2. Hanging out with boys who look like Sirius Black.


3. Meeting Lauren's cat: The Largest Animal.


4. Trivial Pursuit/Apples/Celebrity.

(okay, I like games.)
5. Boys with sneakers.


oh, and this picture of me that Genna took:

Oh. You like lingo, do you?

(then try this on)


Thanks, giving.

Last night we impromptued, like So. Philly should. Thanks for hitting the Beulah Magical Tour Ride Experience with us (Marilyn, Jo, Chelsea, Lauren, Genna, Woods & Missy(!), Conrad, Rob, Dan K., Tim(!), Lilley for a minute, and Andy). Who needs to go out when everyone you like will just come over?
(Rounds of) greetings, drinks, Spades.
Let’s make it happen even more. It’s almost winter,


which means more M & I will be wearing more fur hats, we'll try out some hot drinks, and maybe someday (if we’re lucky) snow (I mean real snow, promise).

Someone took a hundred photographs, most of them look like this:


or like this,
(imagine a picture of half of someone's head.)
but you’d rather read a blog with bad pictures than one with none at all, Si?

Let's keep talking Thai, getting Sunny, taking Polaroid pictures, and staying up all night trying to hit 500 points.

Turkey now.

PS / RIP PGBG's? Sorry about it, Ben.

TGE

What?

I'm tired.
a little tired of going out like crazy & everything. I know it's the biggest-most-going-outest night of the year, but geez! For real: even if we were to go out, HOW WOULD YOU CHOOSE? There's (like) a million things tonight. Sometimes, A-pants, you just can't "go to every party in the whole wide world".
This being said, it's not like I can't be convinced to go out. Not news. But it's also nice to stay in (with new neighbors?), like last night*.
Why don't you all move to my block? We can spend whole weekends playing asshole, PCTP, or that super expensive Jeopardy game that didn't work at all, then watch Sunny or something all night long.

*Again, "P", sorry I went nil so much. I promise it was kind of a joke (to myself) that first time. Remember when things almost worked out though? In the end?

Eye heart you

While hanging out with Andy this weekend I found an ad in the neighborhood paper soliciting a "forever home" for their homeless dog of the week. I thought about it, and later said to Andy, "I think I should adopt this dog. He only has one eye! It's like we're meant to be together. Granted, I actually have two eyes, but that's just a technicality."

They say people look like their dogs...

Alone in the dark

If you get a booty call from someone you've never even knocked tongues with, let alone boots, can it really be a booty call? Seems like it would be more like a "sizing-up-your-boots call."

And furthermore, if said "sizing-up-your-boots call" is actually not a call, but rather a text, shouldn't it be called sexting? For example: With a tummy full of Pabst and a hand slick with Midnight Bali lube, Juan sexted me at 4am last night.

DEAR FRIENDS:

On my way to work.

See you there, I hope.

SOUTH PHILLY: LOOK OUT!

Conrad and I got our keys today.

learning about it

This weekend, learned:

Barbary has a photobooth? Spent about a mil in it. Awesome.


PBR comes in LIGHT?


The city-wide is only special until 11.

(And, we saw the liberty bell.)

DEAR 10 FUNNY,

I'm sorry. You give and give, and all I do is take. I promise, baby, I'll try harder. You're gonna feel how much I love you.

BARBARY OPENING NIGHT


This was a case of suspicious advertising turning out to be, simply, dead-on. That sound system is pretty great after all, you can get dangerously drunk on ten dollars, and on the very first night, I had what will henceforth be known as a "Barbary moment;" I can already tell. I drunk-dance-bothered a very not gay boy--in front of his girlfriend, no less--to such an extent that he bitch-slapped my face and said "No." As in, you know, No means no. Oh man, I've been hating myself for two days. But I'm sure it'll be funny (at least to me) in like a year, right? Sometimes, sadly, you just can't call it gay-bashing. I'm already getting the feeling that that's just the Barbary's scene.

Also:


- Heather is my favorite dancer. Make eye contact with that girl when she's dancing, and she'll make you feel like it's your birthday and also Valentine's Day, and the king of Cotton Candyland has made you Rocky for the day and wants you to be his daughter. Fist pumps! Hand-showers! The biggest smile ever!

- Hey-Dawg. I love that man. I did not fire him. But I did buy him a beer.

- Stages are for storing jackets.

- Gallmans are for drinking airline bottles of whiskey with in the car.


- It's like it's 2005 or 2006 all over again: the Androgynous, High-Heeled Leather Cyberparty DJ is baaaaack. I'm ready for that again, too. OK fine, secretly, I've always been ready for that.

-Old-school rock and roll, rhythm and blues, Motown soul, etc. were established here as the theme of the weekend. And I think I'm ready for it.


- And of course there was the infamous cell phone debacle. I swear, people, I may have over-texted, but for real, my phone was sending messages on a six-hour delay! And I think all night, I was getting your six-hour-late texts and responding to them, drunk and confused.

Or maybe I just sent a million texts...

MAKING TIME


1. The aforementioned old-school booty-shakin' rock and roll.


2. I was the only one doing the Twist for a minute, and then I looked around the room and found my sister like fifty feet away, doing the Twist. Then we Twisted for the rest of the song with each other, across the room. I love her so much.

3. Mar: "I am in love with your boyfriend. In the best way possible."


4. Veggie bar. I tried to make it happen, but Eric was just not having it.


5. Fake moustaches look way better on girls than on boys. And way better on Lauren than on most girls.


6. Attack of the swing dancers? Did that really happen???

7. Sarah fell on her ass over and over. Then the Christopher became really popular while she tried to explain to everyone that she'd been falling on her ass -- the Christopher being the move where you depress someone's tragus in a club so they can hear you talking. All of a sudden we were all doing it a lot.

8. Still, still, still too good. All weekend. Also, staying sober-ish still makes for the best--and funniest--MTs. It's nice to know some things will never change.


9. Making up dances based on things you'd rather not talk about.


10. It turns out Eric and I are really good at fighting with asshole cab drivers...or was that the night before? Oh, it doesn't matter. Our love is timeless.

Just like yours and mine, 10F.


Seriously, 10F - I love you. See you next weekend (i.e., on Wednesday).

downstairs at Pure (where everybody knows yr name)

Making Time was the usual, but with Super Fun Out-of-Towners.


I didn't hear it (left ear? still not so good) but Marilyn and Eric insist that the bartender knew me and called me by name. That was funny.


I don't think I have a picture of him, but we finally met Dynamite. He asked if Chris was Andy.


We liked: Dancing, cheese and veggie trays(?), and not running out of drinks.

Dear WW:

Some things about the internets today:

Philebrity: maybe we should change the email address to "whycan'tiwin@philebrity.com", because I never, ever win.

Lauren: Myspace messages me MOVIE PASSES! You're my favorite CC work friend. (Except Melissa. and Sarah. Shiv.)

Philthy: Really? OMG?! More pictures of Luis, Conrad 4, and Nikki Moose?! WOW! It's almost enough to make me want to stay in.

10 funny: Sorry I'm the only person who likes you.

Superficial: More Britney, less Vickies models. Please?

I could go on and on, but I'm bored with the world wide today.

Love,
Bangs

congratulations,

Mr. AC,


you've officially surpased me as the Most Late Night Texter. From the time I told you I wasn't going out last night, 'til I woke up this morning, you sent me ten text messages, asking where I was, telling me where the bar was, your plans for after work(?), what music they were playing, one that just said, "Maybs yes", and more.

Thanks for making me feel better about my "problem",
Bangs

emailz

Today I got an email from my friend who is only starting to know Conrad:
"His mouth is like a giant insult gun and I like it."

Philadelphia, meet Pittsburgh.

You don't know these boys. They're coming from Pittsburgh & will be staying at Beulah II this weekend. Adam and Ed. One time they took me and S on a double date. We saw Van Helsing. They'll probably come out dancing with us.

STEPPING UP THE GAME

Maybe Sufjan heard about our States Project and got a little burned, because he just took things to the next level, dawg.

Can we get on this? Will somebody make sure Purple Dave knows about it?

boat wrecks, etc.

Last night was the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald party.

It was about being nautical.



About yelling Happy New Year and singing Auld Lang Syne.



It was about who could make the biggest paper airplane.



And dancing in the dark.



And breaking up.



And Ben Franklin. But everything is about Ben Franklin, yes?

(More pictures on my flickr, you know about it)
There was also a late night slew of text messages, sorry if you got some.

p.s. A, every picture I took of you is Very Bad. Sorry.

gonna drive a big truck, gonna kick some butt

At KB's birthday, HZ gave us a joke:
Q: What kind of bees make milk?


A: Boobies.

And Sarah was a shark for a minute,


and wrote our epitaph, something like this: "College graduate SL and high school graduate SN died in a tragic car crash early this morning." Soon enough.

Kimmy has this GIANT cat.




And, as far as the rest of the night went, A got some of it right, and some of it wrong.

He did fall asleep in the living room for a long time, woke up, and said, "Okay. I'm going to bed. Goodnight everybody" and then went upstairs.
Lauren said, "Oh - Andy lives here too?"
Kind of.

I <3 DOWNTOWN KIMMY BROWN...

...but I don't really remember her birthday party. I was fine until I had a glass of that punch. It ate holes in my brain.



I remember eating cake because Meg made it, I remember Lauren is the best at making friends at parties, I remember calling Meg "Cockfest" all night (she started it), I remember the 17-pound cat, I remember talking about Holly's blowhole a lot, I remember that I spent most of the night out front...OK, so I remember most of it, and I had a great time. It's the few things I can't remember, even though I keep trying:

1. Sarah, you told me a big secret and then made me promise never to tell anyone. Well, don't worry, because I have absolutely no idea what it was.

2. DKB, you told me a secret too, but I can't for the life of me remember why it was a secret.

3. I talked to Eric for like 10 minutes on the way home. No idea what we talked about.

4. I remember we all watched "Sunny," but I do not remember going to bed. Did somebody carry me or something?

5. Did Conrad show up?

6. Mysterious text to DKB that I found in my phone this morning: "Sorry babe! I didn't know anyone was listening just then. Love you! Happy birthday. Good night." What the hell did I say?

7. Somebody told me they are addicted to this blog, and I told them we should invite them to be a blog author. Who are you? Let me know!

8. I was going on about food in the car on the way home. What did I end up eating?

9. Did I try to go into my new house, or did I dream it?

10. Surprising new budding couples. I like it, but I don't remember seeing it coming.

Weird.

Oh, PS - 7 Eleven now carries a coffee brewed with taurine, ginseng, and extra caffeine. Look out! You might end up wasting your day--like I have been all day--catching up with THIS:

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

3 sylables, sounds like...

Silk City is so many things, but last night, it was CHARADES.



and we took a couple bad pictures. Here

Crown Club Card y yo.

I forgot to tell you about my Big Giant Victory this weekend:

I EARNED 125 REGAL POINTS AND FINALLY GOT A FREE MOVIE TICKET!

I've seen about 900 movies in the past few months, but it totally paid off.
Who wants to go the the movies with me?

TEXT-SAVER, 11/8-11/11.

OK, so here it is:

THU - Silk City.
FRI - Downtown Kimmy Brown's birthday.
SAT - Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald Memorial Soiree. Women and Mercury Radio Theater at the El Bar.
SUN - Binge night.

Call me if you got more suggestions.

WEDNESDAY IS ALREADY PRETTY FUNNY

1. Conrad and I looked at Beulah III. It is big and has extra rooms. We like it. If you know of any good-mannered, dish-washing party addicts, send them to me, because there's a THIRD ROOM.

(This is funny because now it really looks like I'm going to live with CONRAD!)

2. I was on my way from Northern Liberties to my house when I got the text of the week from Lauren:

"OMG FREE GLO STIX AT CHESTNUT AND BROAD VIA A PSYCHEDELIC MARCHING BAND. MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED."

Naturally, I made my way down there. It was true; there was the Villanova marching band covered head to toe in light bulbs, a white blues band wrapped in glow sticks, a gospel choir wearing blinking electric crosses, food carts, rave-people on stilts with LED sunglasses and whirling blinky kooshballs, and a team of city workers handing out free glow sticks and other assorted blinky things.



The occasion was the lighting of several buildings on Broad Street by the Frenchies who turned City Hall into a spooky gingerbread house in 2K4. By the end of next year, 11 buildings along the "Avenue of the Arts" (read: Broad Street, or 14th, depending on where you're from), will be racing with multicolored, fagtastic programmable LEDs that can turn the concrete and stone thoroughfare into...well, this.

In the meantime, a few buildings were "light-painted" with projections like the one above, and Lauren and I watched while some colors danced around the first permanently lit neon rave-cave, a UArts building at Broad and Walnut, and enormous speakers played the Hello, Aliens song from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and Beethoven.

First day after Nutter's elected, and things are already looking up. Seriously, can we have MT on Broad Street in a few months?



Also, MAD PROPS to Jo for getting a job on "The Lovely Bones," and to Lauren for getting promoted just for being great. Let's celebrate this weekend.

THE TOWN THAT BILLY SUNDAY COULD NOT SHUT DOWN (and I couldn't go to)

I'll be missing the philosoparty (again) in Chicago this weekend. I was really looking forward to it...I lived there for almost two years, and I haven't been there since I was 21.

This means only one thing: it is up to you, philosopher friends, to send us the gory details of your evening escapades in that great city. And don't forget pictures--especially if they're embarrassing.

MT + CL = TLF

Remember when everyone (except me maybe...I was busy) was excited to meet that boy at Making Time that people thought was neo-Chris or something?

I just read this, on trusty ole' Craigslist:




Dancefloor etiquette
Reply to: pers-454932516@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-20, 8:02PM EDT


I want to thank the sloppy drunk guy in the white-framed sunglasses, backwards white baseball cap, and green plaid short-sleeved shirt dancing on the main floor at Making Time last night who decided to break every rule of dancefloor etiquette and instead of dropping his cigarette butt in front of him and stubbing it out, tossed it over his shoulder behind him.

You probably didn't know this because you were JUST SO BUSY ROCKING THE FUCK OUT, MAN, but your Parliament landed in my cleavage, fell down into my bra and burned the shit out of my tits. Thanks. I always look forward to sustaining second-degree burns when I go out on a Friday night.

You're a fucktard, and I hope your dick falls off.

two-fer Tuesday

1. Let me set the scene: my art history class, we're looking at a slide of one of Steiglitz's naked pictures of Georgia O'Keefe. For a long time. Seriously, this slide is up for MINUTES.

Weird Lesbian: "Is she left handed?"
Prof: "Um....I'm not sure, why?"
Weird Lesbian: "Well, because her left breast is larger. If you're left handed your left breast is always larger."
Prof: "Oh......really?"
Other girl: "No, the left breast is always larger. On everyone. Because it is OVER YOUR HEART".

(We're learning SO MUCH in this class. So much.)


2. Later, we get the pleasure of hearing Steve Miller's new pick up lines, here's a good one:


SM: "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl: "............."
SM: "Enough to break the ice! Hi. I'm Steve."

CONTEMPORARY ELEGANCE

Like a modern-day Audrey Hepburn.

See ya Wednesday!

I LOVE THIS GIRL

Saved from draft limbo.

Enjoy.