[Pinchefresco, Bangs, Twenty-two.]
I'm lucky to know you, too.
Party of the year.
TWENTY funny things.
1. M asking for ID when a suspiciously young-looking 22-year-old with the same birthday as her asked for her phone number. (Happy birthday, M.)
2. Let's take a vote. Flyering and posting on
public events pages for house parties: pro or con?
3. People thinking Chris D. was my boyfriend:
4. People thinking Tim R. was Eric, who is my boyfriend.
5. Overheard a million times: "Oh God, they got
Sparks? That shit is so nasty. OK, I'm gonna go get one."
6. I throw too many parties, as evidenced by the fact that everyone kept coming up to me to say things like, "Thanks for throwing this party." It wasn't my party.
7.
NEW SLANG: When you commit so many party fouls that everything starts to get blamed on you -- pissing on the neighbor's wall, spray-painting the other neighbor's wall, being a creepy asshole to my sister, running around everywhere yelling about drugs at stentorian volumes, dressing like a retard, stealing the money donations from the jar at the bar you stood behind for an hour while you drank everybody's beer and liquor -- you are known as a
PARTY TRAIN DE-RAILER. Way to go, sir. No wonder your Lonely Hearts Club Band is so lonely. Next time, get a ticket to ride and ride it far, far away from our party.
8. Anastasia making the rounds with a bucket of pretzels in her left hand and a bucket of Twizzlers in her right, offering them to everyone:
Anastasia is the best possible example of the exact opposite of a Party Train De-Railer. She's the one you always want around. (Happy birthday, A.)
9. I never made it over to foursquare, but a few times, there was a loud commotion from the foursquare court, and when I looked over, each time everyone was pointing angrily and Conrad and yelling all at once, and he was hoarding the ball to himself and gesticulating wildly, obviously trying to defend himself against the angry mob.
10. So many people asking for phone numbers. So many people saying no. Obviously, summer is over.
11. The recycling bin was a kinetic sculpture.
12. My parents. They could have their own Ten Funny Things, but I'll spare you. Some favorite moments:
a. My dad loved Horse Balls, but scowled when he heard the name.
b. They were both very confused by the existence of Sparks. My mom asked to smell it. I let her, and she simply could not understand.
c. They asked me eight or nine times to explain the difference between Sue and Sarah.
d. Apparently, my mom loves Justice. She went in and danced by herself to "D.A.N.C.E," and Dan K was severely creeped out behind the DJ booth.
13. "Why do your friends keep saying 'Happy Birthday' to each other?"
14. Rosalyn (neighbor across the street) coming out to meet us. She told me we should go all night because it is a beautiful thing to be young and alive.
15. Somebody asking D.C. if he's a bike messenger.
16. Burroughs is the only dog I have ever seen who waits for permission at the end of each block before he crosses the street.
17. When J. says it's going to be over at two, it ends at two.
18. Melissa said she was going home to get changed. She went home, got changed, dyed and cut her hair, and came back with Purple Dave, who never comes to parties and stayed for like three hours.
19. THERE WERE BATHROOMS INSIDE. How hard is that?
20. The whole way home, and for a half an hour after we got home, Dan was excited and on fire about scaring the shit out of people once he decided to turn into a bouncer. He looked like he'd found his calling.
So...
...when's the next one?
