Come on, I've been trying out an Amazing Criswell costume, and now I can sense you've been considering some hoooorrrrible costume ideas. Please don't. Just stick with Vampire or Sexcop.
NEVER FAILS!!!
(TRUE BLOOD!!!!)
DON'T WEAR THE FOLLOWING COSTUMES TO MY PARTY, or you'll be turned away at the door.
10. BAIKEN
Don't be Clay Aiken's baby or anything to do with Clay Aiken. Christ, why is it always the fugly ones that come out? Like that lesbian folk singer Lance Bass or the old man that's marrying Portia De Rossi?
And now the Faglys are breeding. There are so many teeerrrrrifying aspects to the phrase, "Clay Aiken donated his sperm to a friend in order to have a child." That sentence will give me nightmares for the next forty-one years.
On second thought, this is a great costume. Anything to do with the Claiken Monster and the Baby Claiken Monster.
Immaculate (Baster Injected) Conception 2K8 youse guys!!!
(PS - Can we take bets on who's uncloseting themselves next since things come in threes? Apparently the LiLo told some dumb reporter the other night that she's officially dating whatsername.
Anderson Cooper? Oprah and GAYle? Dora the Explora? Conor Oberst (post-Bright Eyes)?
Taking votes.
WILD CARD GALLERY:
DennReyn,
and
+
4VR!!!(Sue and Keanu Reeves, the best gay couple ever)
and
Gayzmo.
2K8 is GAY 'N' GR8!)
9. SARAH PALIN
This is a picture of Brad Pitt's beard and baby mama dressed as Sarah Palin, or, as I like to call her, SARS-PAL.
She's too scary even for Hallowe'en, and every girl's already thought of it. She's like the Winehouse last year.
Over before she even began. 'Member? 'Member her?*
Next year, though if (OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD)Sarah and her dad lose the election, she'll be the best costume ever.
(*If you're going to a really boring party you don't care about, and you happen to have long hair and glasses, I guess you could say you're being Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. Someone boring and attractive might be impressed.)
8. "VAMPIRE WEEKEND," OTHER VISUAL PUNS
Can we be over punstumes? Bad idea that I overheard at Temple: assemble a group of four friends dressed like vampires with sun visors and beach towels and be "Vampire Weekend. NO!
7. Kathie Lee Gifford
SHE'S BAAAAAACK!!!
(But I will accept "Kathie Animatedlee .GIFford.")
6. Reality TV Stars
Everyone's a reality TV star already. For example, here are just a few:
and
+4V4!!!and
.)
5. THE FLAP-FLASHIN' HOLLYWOOD HO
The aforementioned LiLo, et al...unless you're gonna go all the way
4. OBAMA, OR ANY BLACKFACE/YELLOWFACE/&c
...this keeps happening and it's pret-ty boring...assuming you're not black (although if you are, for fuck's sake let me know so I feel better about my blawg)...also, put that Hillz mask back in the box of stuff from Shallowe'en '97
(God but isn't he the sexiest future world leader?)
3. LOCAL PHILLY CELEBRITIES
Dumb. Don't.
2. DENNIS REYNOLDS IN THE GORILLA MASK
Oooooohhhhhhh this would be a bad idea. None of your friends would ever be able to look at you again. Not one. Ever.
*(This picture isn't what a 'gorilla mask' is)
1. MARIE ANTOINETTE
Because Minkelstein and I already called it. Don't ruin my SHALLOWE'EN!!!
ALTERNATE SUGGESTIONS
Stick to things you know, like:
Hall and Oates, Cher, Vampires (not the weekend kind), the cast of "Square One," Angela Chase/Jordan Catalano/Ricky, etc, Phish Phans, Gorilla in a Dennis Reynolds Mask, Ghosts, Conor Oberst (post-Bright Eyes), Mummies, Monsters, Joan Crawford/Faye Dunaway As Joan Crawford, Mr. Miyagi, Motorhead, Witch, Slimer
AWWW SLIMER!!!
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