FESTIVAL OF HIGHLIGHTS

1. Sarah: "All these boys have biblical names."
Sue: "Jason's not a biblical name."
Sarah: "Yeah. You know, from the story of...Jason and...the Stick."

2. Text from Chris D: "FUCK RON MAC DON BOO"


3. JB: "Sue, why'd you dye your hair so good?"

4. JB: "Tequila makes me feel smagical."

5. JB: "I work for my healthcare. I work in the healthcare industry. I fuckin' work for my healthcare."

6. JB: "I feel like [Double Ballard Shotgun] only happens when I'm drunk."

7. JB: "Even if I wasn't drunk at work, I still wouldn't have the internet there."

8. Dan K: "I'll text her what for."


9. Scattergories: first, we told the story of the time Jo put 12 boy's names that started the same letter and not 12 answers to the 12 different categories. Then, on the first round, Jay did the wrong set of categories. We let him come up with an answer for each one as we went around. The letter was "H," and he tried to say "Huddam Hussein." What, we said, is that Hussein's son? "Yes," he said. "Saddam Hussein's son, Huddam." The second time, Dan K did the wrong letter, and Ben took his pad and filled it with "N" answers really quickly--each one started with "Nut." Famous musician? Nut King Cole. Girl's name? Nut bitch.

10. Text wars.
A: Sarah's trying to make out with everyone.
D: Goddamit. I left too early.
D: By everyone, do you mean you?
A: Just kidding she told me to say that
D: SHE'S A SLUT

11. Text from Sarah to Sue: "Karen and the stick hu sane remind me. T foot wake now. maybe tomorrow body wants your toast"


12. Jay McCarroll at the Punk Rock Flea Market with his gross little handbags? Wow. He told Conrad he loooooved his scarf and asked where he got it. Conrad said, "At a thrift store years ago, but originally it's from the Gap." JMC said, "Ew, the Gap," and started ignoring Conrad. JK said, "Oh, so it's from the Gap, so now he doesn't like it anymore." Right in front of our own neighborhood D-Lister. We love you, JK!


13. If you want to have more fun than you can imagine, take Sue and Sarah to the King of Prussia Mall two days before Christmas. Oh man. Best part? Sarah telling me, "Andy, most of the things I say are words."


14. Laser tag is not so fun when there are two other teams of really serious people who don't smile, no one tells you how to use your heat-sensitive guns, the management enforces their "No Running" policy, you only get 15 minutes, nobody tells Sarah you can re-power up your gun after you get shot, and every time you try to go up a ramp to find your teammates, three middle schoolers yell, "Blue coming up!" and start firing at you like you're trying to take their parents away or something. No joy in that room. How is that possible with glow paint and lasers? Ahhh, the Great Northeast. You can ruin anything.

Also, Sarah met Jay K's twin brother and was really, really disappointed that he didn't look more like Jay to her.

12. But then we found out Jay K's real name is All-Star. We're using it a lot already.

13. We played Scattergories again, and this time, Sue started on a "D" round and halfway through accidentally changed to "P."

14. Rustica Christmas Party. My favorite part, personally, was when two neighbors wandered in looking for pizza and Sue rushed inside to greet them, made friends with them, served them tacos, tequila and beer and invited them to NYE.



15. Rob wrote us our own personal Christmas Quizzo for our "Ben-and-Allison-are-on-vacation-PARTY-AT-BEN'S-HOUSE" Party. He did so much research on Christmas. Holly and Jady won the prize: a double-feature DVD of "Silent Night, Deadly Night" and some other Yuletide horror movie.


16. On Christmas morning, I shook jingle bells outside of Sarah's bedroom door until she woke up and started screaming, "Santa, is that you? Hold on, I'm naked! I'll be right there!" When she opened the door, I was in a Santa hat and a red velour "Fatty Girl" sweatsuit. She called me Sexy Santa and made me get in bed with her. Then she called Sue in the next room on the phone and made her come in and take pictures of us in bed together.



Later, we walked to Woah-Hey's in our PJs and woke him up with jingle bells and bed-jumping.


17. Rob's first Christmas!!! He gave us presents!!!




18. Some choice gifts handed out at Beulah's XMS BRKFST: a Make-Your-Own-Ice-Sculpture Kit, "Finding Nemo," "The Little Mermaid," a papier-mache unicorn bust, a candy cane tree, candy wreaths, dollar store calendars. a Larry "Bud" Melman Couch Potato Workout video on VHS, bling necklaces, glow sticks, glow rings, everlasting glow sticks, a diorama of the Hatch from "Lost," theater tickets, a DVD of "Make Room for Daddy," dinosaur stickers, an inflatable dinosaur, 36-piece dinosaur jigsaw puzzles and a set of notecards featuring a photograph of a baby in a koala cyclops costume. I'm forgetting so many good ones. Tell me that's not a Magical Experience.

19. We almost had Rob convinced that Christians always wear all-white on Christmas morning.

20. Sarah didn't say she was naked on Christmas morning. I just wrote that to piss her off.