BA(RA)CK IN BUSINESS

I liked today when Obama and Michelle cracked up about the little pedestal that the Navy wanted her to stand on.

My laptop is very sick, but I got an iPod Touch, so I've only been internetting on that. You can't really blog from it. Now that I'm back at school every day, I have hundreds of computers that are just dying to be blogged on. There've been some very funny things since I've been gone and some very not funny. Beatings, tumors, breakups. But let's just do 10 Random Funny:


10. At V-Day party planning, this windbreakerin' d-bag from Jersey comes over to ask us what we're doing and then tells us to "Keep on livin'." Thanks, brah.

9. [---] got stoned.


8. When you tell Marilyn you'll take her to whatever opera she wants, she picks one in Berlin and flies you there.


7. M and S need better locks on their doors. The bathroom door, too, by the way: that wasn't pleasant for me or the girl who ran in.



5. I've started following Levar Burton on Twitter. Oh, he's the sixth most followed person on Twitter, plus he was Kunta Kinte, the host of "Reading Rainbow," and Geordi LaForge. He says things like:



There are a lot of celebrities on the Twitter wagon, but most of them ain't real. Geordi is WAY REAL.


Even better than Geordi is Tina Fey. She's like this:



It's mostly about food or Obama.


4. One of my classes today, Old English, included a greasy boy with unsuccessful facial hair saying, "I want to study ancient languages because after my four years as a literature student reading translated texts, I have decided that translated texts are BULLSHIT and you should learn the goddamn language if you want to read the goddamn text. Otherwise the meaning is hopelessly lost."

Somehow, a few seconds later, the conversation turned to Tolkien and Harry Potter*. The way-Canadian professor was really vocal and got all Comic Book Guy about Tolkien's inability to write prose or good dialogue, and then he said: "Oh, and I haven't read any Harry Potter- I'm sorry, should I have SAID that? Did I OFFEND anyone? Well, sorry, but I'm not six years old." Right, because as an English professor, it's really important that you have a strong critical position on Harry Potter. Fucker, leave the kids (and the rest of us) alone.

They went on like this for a while, and when it came to be my turn to talk about why I was taking an English course, he grilled me about Linguistics, found out I had been an English major at Houghton, and said, "Oh, so you USED to be an English major, but you decided you don't like literature anymore and you switched to the sciences. GREAT. Next?"

Half of the room is people like this. Conrad, you go to a lot of Magic tournaments, so I know you know the kind of syrup I'm slappin' on this pancake, right? I don't know how you do it. Now I have to find a replacement class for Mom's Basement 101.

Also, there is one girl in the class, and they found lots of ways to make fun of her. (She's in Evolutionary Biology.) Then the barely bearded one started trying to argue (between nervous glances at the girl) that Eowyn from Lord of the Rings isn't as one-sided and fetishized as the other female characters because she goes to battle in the end. Never mind her absence of an inner life or strict devotion to the patriarchy, right guys?

Oh, wait, I forgot, I shouldn't have an opinion, because I'm a scientist, so I must not have opinions about books. Never mind--I'm gonna go put on a lab coat and dissect the alphabet with a scalpel. Really, it's fine.

3. Heather's glitter football makeup. Well done.


2. You know Wiz, that guy who looks like Rod Stewart/Joey Ramone/Alice Cooper and works with us at Rustica? He's getting married. I love that dude, and we're all really happy for them. He was telling us about their wedding and Reyes asked him where the bachelor party's going to be. Wiz just started laughing dismissively and shook his head. He said, "My whole life's been a bachelor party."

1.

Did she maybe do this on purpose just so Facebook would do this to her? Cause it's the funniest thing I've seen all year.

*Don't have anything to do with Old English.