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It's been a good week: we saw Genna and got Chris for Chris-mas, I ran into old friends from Lancaster, we saw Conrad's boyfriend Chris with the white hair, lots of Amelia and Reese, and more...


10. I got an iPod Touch for Christmas, and Marilyn got me this thing that turns your iPod into a karaoke machine. Can anyone say "New Year's Day"???

9. Josh rented a car the other night to come see us at Tequilamas. I love him.


8. Sue was really excited yesterday morning when Elizabeth, her other best friend, called her to tell her she's pregnant. When Sue asked people who they thought was pregnant, they kept saying, "Your sister?" Sue kept saying, "No, I talked to my sister this morning too, but she's not the one who's pregnant." Later, Sue said that Elizabeth has known for months, but wanted to wait until Christmas to tell everyone. Even later still, Sue's sister called back and said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you: I'm pregnant."

7. Downtown Kimmy Brown set off a fart bomb on Christmas morning. No, not with her body: it was an actual fart bomb that Sue and Marilyn put in her stocking. We all had to clear the house, and everyone who lives in South Philly went and got candles from their houses. It was awful.


6. Uh did you guys realize it's only like a few days till NYE? Let's get to hoarding those Sparks!!!

5. This was a very good way to end Christmas:



4. I turned my phone off when I was with my family yesterday. After dinner, I turned it on and there were like seven generic "Merry Christmas" messages. A few minutes later, a message showed up from Conrad. I thought, "Oh, Jesus, there is no way he's wishing everyone a merry Christmas." Sure enough, it was a mass text about Eartha Kitt dying. This made me pretty upset, but I'm calling it a funny thing because a) Eartha Kitt would die on Christmas, and b) the only thing that's going to make Conrad send a mass text on Christmas is if a gay icon dies.

R.I.P.



3. Sue gave me shotglasses made out of candy cane. The box says, "You'll never drink out of real glasses again!"

2. Sue: "It's so nice that we can hang out since none of us saw our families today...oh, wait, I guess I'm the only one that didn't see my family today."

1. The other night after Tequilamas 2K8, we ended up at Reyes' hardcore night at the Khyber, where we kind of flipped out--Ben and I kept hurling ourselves at walls, and I landed on my ass with a beer bottle under me. Dan K started throwing chairs at the DJ booth and the skylight. They came and kicked out the four DJs, who all work at Rustica. Oops, merry Christmas guys.

MY HEART GREW THREE SIZES TODAY

Let's celebrate. Merry Christmas.

Oh PS- Ben keeps singing "I Did It All for the Gnocchi."

THIS IS THE END

10. Man was I bad this year at going out. I had a good start, and the summer was productive for a while, but then I got all old and creaky and doughy and before you knew it, I was neck-deep in school and stress and not staying home because I "should," but staying home because I "wanted to." By the end of the year I was literally falling asleep at the club. Now that school's over for a month, I want to get a running start on my New Year's Resolution, which is to go out more. I arranged next semester's schedule around the gym, episodes of "Lost" and weekly Tuesday night trips to Woody's, so let's jump on the party train and try not to jump off too much. I want my hard-earned reputation back. Go hard or go home.

9. Has anybody thought about the fact that Kanye has been called gay for years, but as soon as he makes an electro-R&B album with neon 80's synthesizers and makes the daytime talk show rounds wearing shuttershades and singing through Auto-Tune in shimmery white leisure suits, the haters stop and black people start dressing like Justice?

I didn't make that Justice thing up. Seriously, come ride the subway with me sometime. Not only is my bloghouse hair a bigger hit than ever, but every dude wears black leather jackets, black tees with little neon accents, skinny jeans and black wool caps. Silver accessories are tasteful and spare.

I thought I was making this up, but then a few weeks ago I had "Cross" on at work, and these four not-indie black kids came in late at night. The one dude goes, "Aw, I didn't know they play Justice in white people restaurants," and one of the girls says, "Justice is a white dude and a Asian dude." It was all really bizarre, like Kanye just maybe turned the entire African-American community on to obscure electro, French house and disco, etc. This could mean that 2K9 will be a very exciting time for music/fashion, or I guess it could just be another dumb fad.

8. What if, in 2K9, we threw our own parties, and they looked like this?



Dance steps, new songs, VFW halls. Can we make it happen? Should we form a committee?

7. My oven got fixed. Now I have even less of a reason to go out and party. I'm going to make good on my resolution, though. Maybe I'll find ways to balance my needs: like, I'll bake a bunch of muffins and bring them to you when I meet you at Woody's.


6. Dan and I are trying to buy cases of Sparks for NYE now that it's illegal. Or we might buy a few cases and bust them out two NYE's from now, or maybe at my War of 1812-themed 32nd birthday party in four years, on the 200th anniversary of the beginning of the War of 1812. Basically, we're hiding a secret Sparks-stash for the apocalypse, of which government suppression of our Right to Party is an obvious sign. In the meantime, we'll just have to go back to Sofia Cuties and cocaine.

Side note: Pedro at Rustica keeps asking me to buy him Sparks, which he calls "Esparklies."


5. Deven, on Rihanna: "I just don't get it. She's got a sevenhead."

4.


3. If every Making Time came with Amanda/Matt sightings, I would go to every Making Time. (Shut up, I've totally missed them before. I'm not going on NYE. Instead I'll be with Matt and Amanda.) Oh, were you there the other night? Yeah sorry I didn't run into you--I got there late; everyone was drunk and doing that "Hurry hurry we're all going to another floor on the other side of this place" thing; every single person I know was there; I stood there for half an hour just saying hi to people before I decided it was too much work. I had a drink with Amanda and Matt and then went the fuck home to bed.


2. My phone is turned off cause I haven't paid the bill, but I still woke up this morning and went online to check my Twitter.


1. One of our friends, who shall remain nameless, is even worse than Sarah at eating. She isn't afraid to admit she doesn't like real food, but this kid doesn't even like normal food. Some things he won't eat:
- Fruit
- Turkey
- Of course "seafood" is right out, but so is "cake"
- Vegetables
- Soup (any kind at all)
- All food made at Thanksgiving

He will eat plain cheese steaks (just cheese and steak), french fries (salt is OK, but pepper is a definite no), mozzarella sticks, and beer. He eats once a day if he remembers to. Now you know what not to get him for Christmas: food.

THINGS TO DO TONIGHT:

- Come have an Awesome for Sarah
- Super secret [holiday] party for [a certain] Skateshop
- I'll be stopping by after said secret party to have one beer before I announce that I'm broke

THINK PINK!!! BEFORE IT'S 2K9...

OK, I'm done for the semester.

Meanwhile, I've fallen in love with a movie.

We have a meaningful relationship:

""think pink.!!!!""FUNNY FACE 1956
Uploaded by dividu

I'm off from school for a month. May it be full of confetti, glitter, broken hearts, and the last few legal orange vomits. And may it be bloggable...

BUT IF BABY I'M THE BOTTOM, YOU'RE THE TOP!

Five funny things about my day of Christmas shopping with my mom and sister:

5. Mom was really, really nervous about the subway. Apparently, trains scare her. There's a one-and-a-half-foot-wide yellow line painted on the edge of the orange line platform; when I stepped on it to look for the train, she sucked in her breath really loudly and started to hyperventilate. Then some water rushed through the grate under the rails below, and she jumped. OK, note to self: don't take Mom on the subway.

4. We went from this:



to this:



It was difficult to ignore the recent developments in communications technologies.

3. For some reason, there is a tiny, adorably cozy-looking little Korean restaurant in the basement of Suburban Station. I mean, it looks like it should be anywhere else but there, with little two-tops tucked away in candlelit corners and tiny paper-walled alcoves with miniature landscape sculptures of meadows and working waterwheels. Who knows about this place?


2. At the Macy's show, Julie Andrews' recorded voice says, "Visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads," and a six-year-old beside me said, "Why?"

1. I win best thing of the week, or maybe the year.

My mom asked me about tops and bottoms.



Actually, she asked me, "Say you're a gay man, and you're at a bar, and you want to meet somebody and take them home. How do you figure out which one's going to be the man and which one's the woman?"

If you know my mom, then you know it's true that I win Best Funny Thing 2K8.

PS - Later, she said, "Well, do you..." and trailed off. I think she was going to ask me if I was a top or a bottom. I started talking about Martha Stewart's pinecone owl ornaments.