WEEK IN REVIEW

10. First family Thanksgiving with wine. The weirdest part was nobody mentioning how weird it was that we were all drinking. We hung out for hours, then watched a movie. It was chill and perfect.


9. Apparently, my aunt is friends with the Jonas Brothers' parents. She was obviously a little upset when another aunt told her she didn't like the Jonas Brothers because they're not as Christian as MIley Cyrus.

8. I asked Travis on Facebook to tell me something I don't know about his life in Maine, and he wrote, "It's like a million degrees and we each speak eight languages."


7. Sue and Conrad "rescued" a lot of Superfood from the dumpsters at the Odwalla factory with the help of some renegade freegans.

6. Amber won't stop threatening to beat me and my sister in the face with rocks because she finds us attractive. Also, I'm glad that I got a lot of Dane this week. Can we say let's bring back Dane for good?

5. I spent Thursday with my family, a puppy and my boyfriend, and I spent Friday with my childhood best friends and Ben Gallman's parents. I seem to be failing at perpetuating my unwholesome personal brand.

4.This:


3. Whoever has the pictures of me asleep at Alexi's, covered in ketchup, send them to me. Oh, and while you're at it, the pictures of me asleep in my living room covered in stuffed animals, and the pictures of me asleep at Kurt and Julia's covered in pretzels. And the picture of me from years ago, on Kurt and Julia's old couch, masturbating in my sleep.

2. Quitting smoking. I haven't cheated. But it made me really, really mean at Thanksgiving Eve's Thanksgiving dinner. Sorry, guys. This would be why I got really mad and berated Rob for "tricking me" when I didn't know that a Quizzo song was by Blondie. I was wearing a Blondie T-shirt.


1. On Thanksgiving night, I was at some bar with Eric, Chris, and the Irish philosophers, and some guy asked us if we were members of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

SNOW!!!

I GIVE A HOOTIE

PART ONE



Ben and I watched the CMAs. Somehow, the two presenters, a man and a woman, won Best Male and Best Female Artist, respectively. Exciting.

Meanwhile, we saw Hootie's comeback as a country star. Darius Rucker, the maverick of Nashville. We finally live in a black country. That means it's time for the return of black Country.

PART TWO



I love spending time with the baby, but today I realized he won't be here around Christmas time, and I got nostalgic for the pre-baby Hazel House party days.

Anybody want to help throw a Holiday Party here? Like, a real one. Let me know if you're in. Let's try to outdo Hallowe'en.

10 FURRY SHAVES

No-shave November: is it happening?



I've never participated, being generally of the bearded persuasion for between 11 and 12 months of the year, but preferring never to look like a sea captain. However, I've always enjoyed the thrill of being a spectator in the world of competitive barbering.

Are you keeping not shaving? Are you a bearded wierded?

Send me pictures and I will post them.

NOT FUNNY THINGS

1. I've felt different since the Obama win. I've wanted different things and realized I have beliefs I didn't know about. We partied on the streets of West Philly for hours that night, with African drummers leading the gyrating crowd in shouts of "Obama!" and "Dahlak the vote!" Everybody knew what it meant, because we've come to believe we're intelligent enough to understand subtlety and seeming contradiction. That night, race was exposed for what it was: a construct designed on nothing, no predictable biological factors or inherent value of individual human beings. The truth is, many such superfluous social constructs exist only to give more power to certain individuals and to deny it to others who are equally deserving. So the way that I changed last Tuesday was simple: I wondered what we've all been doing for the last eight years (or the last twenty-eight years). Obviously, we were cynical about activism, intellectualism, and risk-taking because we knew we couldn't win. Now, though, it seems we can.
Please don't think this was an epiphany for me. As Kingsley Amis wrote, "Nothing short of physical handicap ever made anyone turn over a new leaf." Consider it as a starting point I've chosen for meditating on how I can be more effective as a citizen. I know I can't go from Party Queen to Abbie Hoffman overnight, and anyway, I don't want to be Abbie Hoffman. But hey, you know, baby steps.
This Saturday there's a protest about the big issue affecting my people, the gheys:



Find me there. My goal is to party when I have a reason to party. In the meantime, Alabama got me so upset, Tennessee make me wanna lose my rest, and everybody knows about California Goddam.

Maybe you've missed this video. Remember how when Obama won, it felt suddenly not like just a win for African-Americans, but for all Americans? Well, guess what. I don't even ever want to get married, but this is my problem, and it's your problem too, as citizens of an unjust land:



I love you guys. Let's do this, and when we win, let's party for real.

2. Acing my classes.

3. Happy birthday Kimmy.

4. Mar, I love your hair.

5. Sarah, that was the best dream ever.

6. Hey you-know-who, stop farting at the Barbary. I wasn't there, but I keep hearing about it.

7. The electricity isn't working in half of my house. If I burn to death in my sleep because of an electrical fire, know that I love you all and Dan gets what's left of my CDs and records, to be distributed amongst you as he sees fit.

8. Anybody who can get me all the "True Blood" episodes within the week gets a kiss.

9. This blog isn't so much Ten Funny anymore as probably whatever I want to throw up here, hopefully still funny most of the time.

10. Miss youse guys.