1. Reading a book
2. Picking his nose
Tonight I heard him talk about all kinds of fun he's been having, including keeping drinking. Where's the boring man I used to love?
>:(
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
CONRAD CAUGHT HAVING FUN!!! (Thanks dear readers)
An anonymous enterprising photojournalist has sent me this picture of Conrad doing two fun things at once:
1. Reading a book
2. Picking his nose
Tonight I heard him talk about all kinds of fun he's been having, including keeping drinking. Where's the boring man I used to love?
>:(
1. Reading a book
2. Picking his nose
Tonight I heard him talk about all kinds of fun he's been having, including keeping drinking. Where's the boring man I used to love?
>:(
VIDEO OF THE YEAR?
He sure does love dressing up in women's clothing, riding around in phallic spaceships, Dr. Dre, licking his lips, 00's gay icons LiLo, SamRon, Britney, Sarah Palin and the Winehouse, and butt sex.
SO HOMO
SO HOMO
WEST PHILLY CHICKS ARE ALL ABOUT IT
Just saw these two headlines when I woke up today:
This is after the other day, when my mom posted something on Facebook about why I shouldn't be given healthcare. Awesome.
In better news, last night was Dock Street with Siobhan and Red. Chris D, I wanted to make good on my promise and call you, but now that there's actually stuff to do in my neighborhood and people to do it with, it's really hard to leave. I will, I'll keeping leaving, but for now, I'm nesting. Gimme a few days.
Meanwhile, Red told me he feels like he's known me forever and could tell me anything and called us "New Old Friends." Oh man, the Fishtownies and Soufilly people are NOT going to like that. Well, I warned y'all, hippies happen out here, and sometimes I really like it.
My beer was called the "Man Full of Trouble." I don't know anything about beer, but I think it was good. S&R say they want to be "good at beer." I don't think I care about beer enough to put forth the effort.
I also spent a while earlier talking to Alexis about our raw foods plans and to Clites about Bikram Yoga.
<3<3<3
See you in the dog bowl at Clark Park with our babies and our coffee and our organic granola at the flea market at Dahlak at a basement show! See you while I'm growing my male/female beard and drinkin' fawdies and seeing an anarchist lecture while brewing beer at home and drinking kombucha and doing yoga and going to Penn! See you when I'm shopping at the Second Mile with Carlos and going to a queercore festival with a kissing booth and being a Muslim and riding my bike and stealing a bike! See you at church! See you on my roof while I'm looking at trees and painting faces on my sidewalk and wearing bandannas and eating tofu hoagies and roasting a pig!
I fucking love my hood.
This is after the other day, when my mom posted something on Facebook about why I shouldn't be given healthcare. Awesome.
In better news, last night was Dock Street with Siobhan and Red. Chris D, I wanted to make good on my promise and call you, but now that there's actually stuff to do in my neighborhood and people to do it with, it's really hard to leave. I will, I'll keeping leaving, but for now, I'm nesting. Gimme a few days.
Meanwhile, Red told me he feels like he's known me forever and could tell me anything and called us "New Old Friends." Oh man, the Fishtownies and Soufilly people are NOT going to like that. Well, I warned y'all, hippies happen out here, and sometimes I really like it.
My beer was called the "Man Full of Trouble." I don't know anything about beer, but I think it was good. S&R say they want to be "good at beer." I don't think I care about beer enough to put forth the effort.
I also spent a while earlier talking to Alexis about our raw foods plans and to Clites about Bikram Yoga.
<3<3<3
See you in the dog bowl at Clark Park with our babies and our coffee and our organic granola at the flea market at Dahlak at a basement show! See you while I'm growing my male/female beard and drinkin' fawdies and seeing an anarchist lecture while brewing beer at home and drinking kombucha and doing yoga and going to Penn! See you when I'm shopping at the Second Mile with Carlos and going to a queercore festival with a kissing booth and being a Muslim and riding my bike and stealing a bike! See you at church! See you on my roof while I'm looking at trees and painting faces on my sidewalk and wearing bandannas and eating tofu hoagies and roasting a pig!
I fucking love my hood.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
SURREAL LIFE
Yesterday I managed to run into almost everyone I know and have a sort of legendary night without leaving West Philly. Siobhan was my date all night for the Human BBQ XXXI at Pi Lam (the "punk fraternity" at Penn) and some show at Danger Danger. The "big surprise" that everybody already knew about Human BBQ was that the Dead Milkmen were playing.
10. "Oh man, I really need tonight to be bloggable."
9. Dan texted that we should bring an empty bottle or can to drink out of. This was our first encounter with the 1,000 Rules of Drinking Last Night. They were really random and bizarre. I didn't know why we should need bottles or cans, but we stopped at Dungeness Crab Place (aka "Garden Court," aka "Beer Breakfast Dungeness Crabs," depending on who you ask)to each buy one can of PBR. On the way, Siobhan had me explain all the rules of buying beer in PA, and I don't know how much help I was. It's confusing.
Not nearly as confusing, though, as the 1,000 Rules for Drinking Last Night. When we found Dan and a bunch of our people outside Pi Lam, he said, "You brought your soda cans, right?" Turns out your can/bottle couldn't LOOK like beer, because they wanted the place to look like nobody was drinking "so it could be an all-ages show." First sign we were not dealing with grown-ups.
So, first rule, drink out of something other than a cup or anything that says "beer" on it. We got some Arizona bottles at Allegro's and came back. Second rule, it turns out, is there is no beer downstairs; you have to go upstairs, because all of the kegs are in the bedrooms. Not every bedroom has a keg, and you shouldn't go into a bedroom if the door is closed. The bedrooms--
--might be so full of people that when you get to where the keg should be, you'll realize that there's no keg in that room. This is all if you can get past the third rule: there's a nineteen-year-old blond girl with a baseball bat who only lets people upstairs if she knows them, they're in a band, or they're "with" a band. She kept stopping Siobhan--like repeatedly--and she kept nodding at me and smiling like I'm somebody who's so famous that of course she knows who I am. Listen, one of my three hard-and-fast rules of partying is that I never ever do V.I.P. spaces, but when all the beer in the entire party is upstairs, you break your rule.
Sometimes we ended up furtively whispering to people, asking them in low voices if they "knew where the beer was." Then we would be led upstairs through covens of teenagers and weirdos until we found some kid's bedroom on the third floor that had the keg of Woodchuck. We've never had to work so hard for beer. We drank every drop.
Actually this was all hilarious and totally fun. A few hours into it, it got old, but it was fine.
8. Women played better than maybe any other time I've seen them. Dan broke the strings on his bass on the first song and they had to borrow one. I spent half of the show leaning over to Lauren and saying, "Ohhh, my boyfriend's sooo cute. God, I love it when my boyfriend plays his guitar in his band. He's such a rockstar. My boyfriend is IN A BAND." I thought I was just making fun of her, but later she said, "You sent me into such a giggle fit when you said that stuff about Sean. I got so excited."
7. Siobhan discovered something last night that I had to deal with last year, when I started going to Temple. "1989?" she said. "Did that kid just say he was born in 1989???"
"Some of them," I told her, "were born in 1991. I was doing the Bartman in 1991."
For the rest of the night, she kept screaming, "1989? 1991?"
6. By the time we got to the food, there weren't any buns left. We made Boca Burgers and turned them over with pieces of aluminum foil, then ate them with our fingers. This dreamy 19-year-old named Matt (actually, I'm gonna say Mat--he just looks like somebody who leaves off the last "T" for some deeply personal reason) started talking to us. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and iridescent rainbow wings. He flirted with both of us pretty aggressively for twenty minutes and told us about his full-body leather bondage suit which he bought as a Halloween costume but now just wears to shows and parties and "occasionally comes in really handy." This kid totally rocked our world.
5. On the first note of the Dead Milkmen's set, the whole crowd kind of surged towards the set. Right away, some douchester poured his beer over my head and Siobhan got punched right in the lip. Later, a speaker stack started falling into the crowd because some total wad was balancing on top of it to take pictures, and while Woods, Dan and I tried to fix it so it wouldn't crush any skulls, this guy came crowdsurfing by and kicked me hard in the eye. Later, Siobhan lost her jacket. Battle scars.
4. Last week I bought a 95 cent XXXL black t-shirt with rainbow sequins all over it making up dollar$ $ign$ and lucky dice. Siobhan tried it on in my kitchen over her jacket, scarf and pocketbook. I told her she should wear it as a dress.
3. At Danger Danger, we realized we really like being the only girls in the room. Frequently, we were, and the rooms were full of people.
2. More texts from "Spelling Fedish." It's now been like two years since our hourlong text-acquaintanceship that I ended pretty quickly, and he keeps trying. I am catnip for the mentally ill.
1. Last night I had a dream that some of us went to a Christian waterpark in New Jersey, where Lou Reed played a surprise show and David Bowie joined him on stage to sing "Scary Monsters." At one point, Lou was in the crowd, leading us in a singalong, and when he segued into some song that was, in my dream, a pretty unknown Lou Reed song, I was the only one who hollered. He came over to me, put the mic in my face, and said in a friendly voice, "Hmm? Did you say something?" I said, "No, Lou, I just really love that song you're about to sing." Lou said, "Oh, thanks, man, thanks." Then he went back up on stage and sang the song.
In other news, I can't stop looking at this.
DOWNLOAD:
The Dead Milkmen - "Violent School"
10. "Oh man, I really need tonight to be bloggable."
9. Dan texted that we should bring an empty bottle or can to drink out of. This was our first encounter with the 1,000 Rules of Drinking Last Night. They were really random and bizarre. I didn't know why we should need bottles or cans, but we stopped at Dungeness Crab Place (aka "Garden Court," aka "Beer Breakfast Dungeness Crabs," depending on who you ask)to each buy one can of PBR. On the way, Siobhan had me explain all the rules of buying beer in PA, and I don't know how much help I was. It's confusing.
Not nearly as confusing, though, as the 1,000 Rules for Drinking Last Night. When we found Dan and a bunch of our people outside Pi Lam, he said, "You brought your soda cans, right?" Turns out your can/bottle couldn't LOOK like beer, because they wanted the place to look like nobody was drinking "so it could be an all-ages show." First sign we were not dealing with grown-ups.
So, first rule, drink out of something other than a cup or anything that says "beer" on it. We got some Arizona bottles at Allegro's and came back. Second rule, it turns out, is there is no beer downstairs; you have to go upstairs, because all of the kegs are in the bedrooms. Not every bedroom has a keg, and you shouldn't go into a bedroom if the door is closed. The bedrooms--
--wait, let me emphasize this: these bedrooms were dorm rooms. Like, posters on walls, fleece blankets from Target, Hits of the 80's CDs, the whole deal. This was really happening.
--might be so full of people that when you get to where the keg should be, you'll realize that there's no keg in that room. This is all if you can get past the third rule: there's a nineteen-year-old blond girl with a baseball bat who only lets people upstairs if she knows them, they're in a band, or they're "with" a band. She kept stopping Siobhan--like repeatedly--and she kept nodding at me and smiling like I'm somebody who's so famous that of course she knows who I am. Listen, one of my three hard-and-fast rules of partying is that I never ever do V.I.P. spaces, but when all the beer in the entire party is upstairs, you break your rule.
Sometimes we ended up furtively whispering to people, asking them in low voices if they "knew where the beer was." Then we would be led upstairs through covens of teenagers and weirdos until we found some kid's bedroom on the third floor that had the keg of Woodchuck. We've never had to work so hard for beer. We drank every drop.
Actually this was all hilarious and totally fun. A few hours into it, it got old, but it was fine.
8. Women played better than maybe any other time I've seen them. Dan broke the strings on his bass on the first song and they had to borrow one. I spent half of the show leaning over to Lauren and saying, "Ohhh, my boyfriend's sooo cute. God, I love it when my boyfriend plays his guitar in his band. He's such a rockstar. My boyfriend is IN A BAND." I thought I was just making fun of her, but later she said, "You sent me into such a giggle fit when you said that stuff about Sean. I got so excited."
7. Siobhan discovered something last night that I had to deal with last year, when I started going to Temple. "1989?" she said. "Did that kid just say he was born in 1989???"
"Some of them," I told her, "were born in 1991. I was doing the Bartman in 1991."
For the rest of the night, she kept screaming, "1989? 1991?"
6. By the time we got to the food, there weren't any buns left. We made Boca Burgers and turned them over with pieces of aluminum foil, then ate them with our fingers. This dreamy 19-year-old named Matt (actually, I'm gonna say Mat--he just looks like somebody who leaves off the last "T" for some deeply personal reason) started talking to us. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and iridescent rainbow wings. He flirted with both of us pretty aggressively for twenty minutes and told us about his full-body leather bondage suit which he bought as a Halloween costume but now just wears to shows and parties and "occasionally comes in really handy." This kid totally rocked our world.
5. On the first note of the Dead Milkmen's set, the whole crowd kind of surged towards the set. Right away, some douchester poured his beer over my head and Siobhan got punched right in the lip. Later, a speaker stack started falling into the crowd because some total wad was balancing on top of it to take pictures, and while Woods, Dan and I tried to fix it so it wouldn't crush any skulls, this guy came crowdsurfing by and kicked me hard in the eye. Later, Siobhan lost her jacket. Battle scars.
4. Last week I bought a 95 cent XXXL black t-shirt with rainbow sequins all over it making up dollar$ $ign$ and lucky dice. Siobhan tried it on in my kitchen over her jacket, scarf and pocketbook. I told her she should wear it as a dress.
3. At Danger Danger, we realized we really like being the only girls in the room. Frequently, we were, and the rooms were full of people.
2. More texts from "Spelling Fedish." It's now been like two years since our hourlong text-acquaintanceship that I ended pretty quickly, and he keeps trying. I am catnip for the mentally ill.
1. Last night I had a dream that some of us went to a Christian waterpark in New Jersey, where Lou Reed played a surprise show and David Bowie joined him on stage to sing "Scary Monsters." At one point, Lou was in the crowd, leading us in a singalong, and when he segued into some song that was, in my dream, a pretty unknown Lou Reed song, I was the only one who hollered. He came over to me, put the mic in my face, and said in a friendly voice, "Hmm? Did you say something?" I said, "No, Lou, I just really love that song you're about to sing." Lou said, "Oh, thanks, man, thanks." Then he went back up on stage and sang the song.
In other news, I can't stop looking at this.
DOWNLOAD:
The Dead Milkmen - "Violent School"
Saturday, April 4, 2009
CONRAD IS A CHEATER
Everybody came to my house last night and had vodka, wings, and campfire. I talked to Josiah's Colombian girlfriend in Spanish for like an hour and she didn't even seem annoyed. People who couldn't stomach the chilly breeze outside watched "The Cosby Show." Later, we all went up to the roof to enjoy the view and ended up FREEZING OUR ASSES OFF.
But more importantly, Conrad had fun! Sooooo much fun! Yes, he gave people rides home, and yes he got us drinks and acted like our butler, but that dude would not stop smiling no matter how much I called him out on it!
Conrad is a cheater.
But more importantly, Conrad had fun! Sooooo much fun! Yes, he gave people rides home, and yes he got us drinks and acted like our butler, but that dude would not stop smiling no matter how much I called him out on it!
Conrad is a cheater.
Friday, April 3, 2009
MAXIMUM FUN
Instead of writing the paper that's due today, I decided to HAVE MORE FUN and write a blog.
If you're not Conrad and you're allowed to have fun with me this weekend, then this post is for you!!!
Tonight I work till 11, and then I wanna get into trouble with you.
I'll have a front pocket of raspberry sweet tea flavored vodka and an ass pocket of LET'S PARTY.
Tomorrow night, grab your bike and meet me in my country, the faraway magical world of West Philly:
Pi Lam Human Barbeque XXXI with Women, Make a Rising, this band called Cerebral Ballzy, another one called Cunt Fuckula (A+ on these names, younginz) and a bunch of other bands, plus a big fucking surprise that's gonna blow everybody's head off. $12, all you can eat bbq/vegan bbq/keg beer (I hear they bought 12 kegs). DJs afterwards till 4 in the morning.
FUNNNNN!!!!!!!!!
Download:
"Happy Station" - Fun Fun
If you're not Conrad and you're allowed to have fun with me this weekend, then this post is for you!!!
Tonight I work till 11, and then I wanna get into trouble with you.
I'll have a front pocket of raspberry sweet tea flavored vodka and an ass pocket of LET'S PARTY.
Tomorrow night, grab your bike and meet me in my country, the faraway magical world of West Philly:
Pi Lam Human Barbeque XXXI with Women, Make a Rising, this band called Cerebral Ballzy, another one called Cunt Fuckula (A+ on these names, younginz) and a bunch of other bands, plus a big fucking surprise that's gonna blow everybody's head off. $12, all you can eat bbq/vegan bbq/keg beer (I hear they bought 12 kegs). DJs afterwards till 4 in the morning.
FUNNNNN!!!!!!!!!
Download:
"Happy Station" - Fun Fun
Thursday, April 2, 2009
WISDOM FROM A FOOL.
:( :( :( (Me and Conrad, in times that were so much more fun.) :( :( :(
So my good friend Conrad can be a dickass sometimes. But that's why I love him, and he knows it! He's really outdone himself this time, though.
As of yesterday, Conrad's going on a monthlong crusade against fun in his life. After leaving the Christian Church, I never thought I'd be good bros with an ascetic again, but behold the return.
Conrad says that his life is "too awesome" and that
"My solution to these problems is 'No Fun April.' It is what is sounds like. I will be having no fun in the month of April. I will be abstaining from caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, animal products of all variety, orgasms, major chords, first dates, cheering for sports teams that compete near my place of residence, and Saturday morning cartoons. You are free to call me about if you see me partaking in these activities. Some of these abstentions should be particularly painful as I am probably addicted to at least some of those things."
Also, he's going to start being nice and helping people and blah blah blah.
Wow! This sounds like fun to me! Let's all pitch in to abuse our lovably retarded friend. I've already been harassing him in the comments, and you can too! Just go to www.conradisanaprilfool.blogspot.com and let's try to make this as no-fun for him as possible!
I'm inspired to start having MORE fun (to make him jealous--no fun) and blog about it more than he blogs about his thing. Which means, I'm back!
Also, here's the list I posted in his comments today:
TEN FUN THINGS THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT
1. Isn't it fun to see CK? And to blog about her?
2. Should I help you out by asking for rides/money/your car/gay sex all the time?
3. Wouldn't the entire enterprise have been jeopardized if you had actually seen/heard a good April Fool's joke?
4. Reading lists is fun. STOP
5. Fully committing yourself to this endeavor and saying "this is no fun" all the time but secretly looking forward to the day when you can brag about your no-fun month is fun in a whole lotta ways, kinda like people who say they're into "masochism" but really, they're having fun doing it, so they're not harming themselves, they're benefitting themselves. All human action is based on selfishness, even so-called acts of sacrifice, right?
Hey wait, philosophy is pretty fun, isn't it?
6. What about attention/being a minor internet celebrity? No fun? Or fun?
7. What about remembering people's blog comments so you can talk about it later? That's all I do in life, because it's mad fun.
8. I think you like complaining. I think it's fun! For you!
9. Love you, Conrad. Wait I hope it wasn't any fun to hear that. Sorry! Oh shit, getting apologies from people is fun too. Dammit! I'm a bad friend :(
10. "Some of them want to be abused." - Some really fun band
Download:
You Make Lovin' Fun (Trailmix Remix) - Fleetwood Mac
A fun song for a funner month than ever before!
Thanks, C-rad!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
SPAMALICIOUS
I don't get a lot of fake e-mails, but I got one just now that advertised male sexual performance drugs, and it started like this:
Try harder!
"It has been long time since we did not meet."
Try harder!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
MY PROMISE TO U <3
Hi,
I promise not to get all "200 Cigarettes" on you again tomorrow night, Philadelphia. I promise not to drink three bottles of champagne before midnight and fall asleep standing up before half of you get there. I promise to be around at the end of the night to help you all get home.
Love you Philly.
A
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
psa
FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!! FLIRT TIL IT HURTS IS NOW AT 607 TASKER!!! SEE YOU IN SOUFILLY ON FRIDAY!!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
beneficial
Saturday was my benefit party (thanks Lu and Amber)
Here's some things
1. Someone (hosting) warning me not to like certain boys (in a dibs kind of way) (multiple times)
2. Sarah Munroe. Buckets of fun. Sarah Monroe and Navid!
3. Finding party favors from the seventies in the drawers.
4. Andy falling asleep djing.
5. People coming on accident.
6. Luke Dow's extension/rait tail.
7. Tim not letting That Guy Brian pass over "Man Boy" on the iPod.
8. Josh Ballard's Green Machine.
9. Everybody in Sue hearts.
10. Tumor Surpise Cake! Thanks Marilyn.
I didn't miss Wii Fit once while I was there.
Here's some things
1. Someone (hosting) warning me not to like certain boys (in a dibs kind of way) (multiple times)
2. Sarah Munroe. Buckets of fun. Sarah Monroe and Navid!
3. Finding party favors from the seventies in the drawers.
4. Andy falling asleep djing.
5. People coming on accident.
6. Luke Dow's extension/rait tail.
7. Tim not letting That Guy Brian pass over "Man Boy" on the iPod.
8. Josh Ballard's Green Machine.
9. Everybody in Sue hearts.
10. Tumor Surpise Cake! Thanks Marilyn.
I didn't miss Wii Fit once while I was there.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
LOST AND FOUND
Some things from the weekend:
1. You lose everything you own, you get the important stuff back two days later. This is Philadelphia.
(PS- Seeing Shayna/Meaghan/Michael/Julia/Panaan/ etc. was amazing.)
2. Wawa now makes "Family Size Macaroni and Cheese." Two of us ate the whole thing.
3. Twitter got me blowin' up. I delete my texts four times a day now. The worst part? I'm texting back the whole time. Sometimes when I get out of class, I turn on my phone and it says, "You have 14 New Messages."
(Get at me @pinchefresco)
4. Sometimes somebody loses their phone and it takes a few days for the new Blackberry to arrive, so you spend all day Twittering back and forth, him making return trips to an internet bodega and you on your phone, and he promises to drunk-call you from a payphone later that night, and he DOES it.
5. KFN, three nights in a row. I like the place, but not THAT much.
6. Boys who make a big deal out of how they don't kiss other boys...sometimes they walk up to you a year later and say, "I finally figured out the boy thing and I want to try it out. Not with you, though, because we're friends. But can I kiss you once?" Duh, sure. The surprising part is that sometimes they're really good at kissing.
7. Party planning party came up with "Cameltoe vs. moose-knuckle" as a euphemism for, you know, the birds and the bees.
8. Speaking of birds and bees, this was amazing:
9. When you have 21-year-old friends, they're really really good at inviting people to your party. He like doubled the "confirmed" list!
10. We are making a sky for the party. A real sky. I can't tell you much more about it, but when you come, you will freak out.
1. You lose everything you own, you get the important stuff back two days later. This is Philadelphia.
(PS- Seeing Shayna/Meaghan/Michael/Julia/Panaan/ etc. was amazing.)
2. Wawa now makes "Family Size Macaroni and Cheese." Two of us ate the whole thing.
3. Twitter got me blowin' up. I delete my texts four times a day now. The worst part? I'm texting back the whole time. Sometimes when I get out of class, I turn on my phone and it says, "You have 14 New Messages."
(Get at me @pinchefresco)
4. Sometimes somebody loses their phone and it takes a few days for the new Blackberry to arrive, so you spend all day Twittering back and forth, him making return trips to an internet bodega and you on your phone, and he promises to drunk-call you from a payphone later that night, and he DOES it.
5. KFN, three nights in a row. I like the place, but not THAT much.
6. Boys who make a big deal out of how they don't kiss other boys...sometimes they walk up to you a year later and say, "I finally figured out the boy thing and I want to try it out. Not with you, though, because we're friends. But can I kiss you once?" Duh, sure. The surprising part is that sometimes they're really good at kissing.
7. Party planning party came up with "Cameltoe vs. moose-knuckle" as a euphemism for, you know, the birds and the bees.
8. Speaking of birds and bees, this was amazing:
9. When you have 21-year-old friends, they're really really good at inviting people to your party. He like doubled the "confirmed" list!
10. We are making a sky for the party. A real sky. I can't tell you much more about it, but when you come, you will freak out.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
3 FUNNY SHOES
3. You're running to catch the bus; you're not going to make it to your favorite class on time; you didn't get anything to eat; you want to go to bed. A teenaged black girl grabs your arm and says, "You look fly," then goes on her way. You slow down, you take a breath; the rest of the day could be shit and you wouldn't care. The bus shows up; the train's waiting for you when you transfer; you get to class early.
HOLY SHIT Y'ALL I'M FLY!!!!
2. Today in theater class, a kid was improvising, and "his character smacked my character," or, for the uninitiated, he smacked me. My character told his character that I hated his shoes. Just kidding, but he really did smack me.
1. Temple is making an instant (free) ice skating rink on campus tonight from 7-11. Get at me and let's go.
FOLLOW-UP
I dropped that stupid Old English class. Plus I have to change two more tomorrow.
Also, tonight (Thursday), there's free ice skating outside at Temple.
Also, today my Spanish professor asked me if I'm Mexican (because of my accent).
Then, I walked into a class which was already full of students waiting for the professor and asked if I was in the right class. They said yes and then somebody asked, "Are you our professor?"
Also, tonight (Thursday), there's free ice skating outside at Temple.
Also, today my Spanish professor asked me if I'm Mexican (because of my accent).
Then, I walked into a class which was already full of students waiting for the professor and asked if I was in the right class. They said yes and then somebody asked, "Are you our professor?"
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
BA(RA)CK IN BUSINESS
I liked today when Obama and Michelle cracked up about the little pedestal that the Navy wanted her to stand on.
My laptop is very sick, but I got an iPod Touch, so I've only been internetting on that. You can't really blog from it. Now that I'm back at school every day, I have hundreds of computers that are just dying to be blogged on. There've been some very funny things since I've been gone and some very not funny. Beatings, tumors, breakups. But let's just do 10 Random Funny:
10. At V-Day party planning, this windbreakerin' d-bag from Jersey comes over to ask us what we're doing and then tells us to "Keep on livin'." Thanks, brah.
9. [---] got stoned.
8. When you tell Marilyn you'll take her to whatever opera she wants, she picks one in Berlin and flies you there.
7. M and S need better locks on their doors. The bathroom door, too, by the way: that wasn't pleasant for me or the girl who ran in.
5. I've started following Levar Burton on Twitter. Oh, he's the sixth most followed person on Twitter, plus he was Kunta Kinte, the host of "Reading Rainbow," and Geordi LaForge. He says things like:
There are a lot of celebrities on the Twitter wagon, but most of them ain't real. Geordi is WAY REAL.
Even better than Geordi is Tina Fey. She's like this:
It's mostly about food or Obama.
4. One of my classes today, Old English, included a greasy boy with unsuccessful facial hair saying, "I want to study ancient languages because after my four years as a literature student reading translated texts, I have decided that translated texts are BULLSHIT and you should learn the goddamn language if you want to read the goddamn text. Otherwise the meaning is hopelessly lost."
Somehow, a few seconds later, the conversation turned to Tolkien and Harry Potter*. The way-Canadian professor was really vocal and got all Comic Book Guy about Tolkien's inability to write prose or good dialogue, and then he said: "Oh, and I haven't read any Harry Potter- I'm sorry, should I have SAID that? Did I OFFEND anyone? Well, sorry, but I'm not six years old." Right, because as an English professor, it's really important that you have a strong critical position on Harry Potter. Fucker, leave the kids (and the rest of us) alone.
They went on like this for a while, and when it came to be my turn to talk about why I was taking an English course, he grilled me about Linguistics, found out I had been an English major at Houghton, and said, "Oh, so you USED to be an English major, but you decided you don't like literature anymore and you switched to the sciences. GREAT. Next?"
Half of the room is people like this. Conrad, you go to a lot of Magic tournaments, so I know you know the kind of syrup I'm slappin' on this pancake, right? I don't know how you do it. Now I have to find a replacement class for Mom's Basement 101.
Also, there is one girl in the class, and they found lots of ways to make fun of her. (She's in Evolutionary Biology.) Then the barely bearded one started trying to argue (between nervous glances at the girl) that Eowyn from Lord of the Rings isn't as one-sided and fetishized as the other female characters because she goes to battle in the end. Never mind her absence of an inner life or strict devotion to the patriarchy, right guys?
Oh, wait, I forgot, I shouldn't have an opinion, because I'm a scientist, so I must not have opinions about books. Never mind--I'm gonna go put on a lab coat and dissect the alphabet with a scalpel. Really, it's fine.
3. Heather's glitter football makeup. Well done.
2. You know Wiz, that guy who looks like Rod Stewart/Joey Ramone/Alice Cooper and works with us at Rustica? He's getting married. I love that dude, and we're all really happy for them. He was telling us about their wedding and Reyes asked him where the bachelor party's going to be. Wiz just started laughing dismissively and shook his head. He said, "My whole life's been a bachelor party."
1.
Did she maybe do this on purpose just so Facebook would do this to her? Cause it's the funniest thing I've seen all year.
*Don't have anything to do with Old English.
Friday, December 26, 2008
FALALALALALALALALA
It's been a good week: we saw Genna and got Chris for Chris-mas, I ran into old friends from Lancaster, we saw Conrad's boyfriend Chris with the white hair, lots of Amelia and Reese, and more...
10. I got an iPod Touch for Christmas, and Marilyn got me this thing that turns your iPod into a karaoke machine. Can anyone say "New Year's Day"???
9. Josh rented a car the other night to come see us at Tequilamas. I love him.
8. Sue was really excited yesterday morning when Elizabeth, her other best friend, called her to tell her she's pregnant. When Sue asked people who they thought was pregnant, they kept saying, "Your sister?" Sue kept saying, "No, I talked to my sister this morning too, but she's not the one who's pregnant." Later, Sue said that Elizabeth has known for months, but wanted to wait until Christmas to tell everyone. Even later still, Sue's sister called back and said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you: I'm pregnant."
7. Downtown Kimmy Brown set off a fart bomb on Christmas morning. No, not with her body: it was an actual fart bomb that Sue and Marilyn put in her stocking. We all had to clear the house, and everyone who lives in South Philly went and got candles from their houses. It was awful.
6. Uh did you guys realize it's only like a few days till NYE? Let's get to hoarding those Sparks!!!
5. This was a very good way to end Christmas:
4. I turned my phone off when I was with my family yesterday. After dinner, I turned it on and there were like seven generic "Merry Christmas" messages. A few minutes later, a message showed up from Conrad. I thought, "Oh, Jesus, there is no way he's wishing everyone a merry Christmas." Sure enough, it was a mass text about Eartha Kitt dying. This made me pretty upset, but I'm calling it a funny thing because a) Eartha Kitt would die on Christmas, and b) the only thing that's going to make Conrad send a mass text on Christmas is if a gay icon dies.
R.I.P.
3. Sue gave me shotglasses made out of candy cane. The box says, "You'll never drink out of real glasses again!"
2. Sue: "It's so nice that we can hang out since none of us saw our families today...oh, wait, I guess I'm the only one that didn't see my family today."
1. The other night after Tequilamas 2K8, we ended up at Reyes' hardcore night at the Khyber, where we kind of flipped out--Ben and I kept hurling ourselves at walls, and I landed on my ass with a beer bottle under me. Dan K started throwing chairs at the DJ booth and the skylight. They came and kicked out the four DJs, who all work at Rustica. Oops, merry Christmas guys.
10. I got an iPod Touch for Christmas, and Marilyn got me this thing that turns your iPod into a karaoke machine. Can anyone say "New Year's Day"???
9. Josh rented a car the other night to come see us at Tequilamas. I love him.
8. Sue was really excited yesterday morning when Elizabeth, her other best friend, called her to tell her she's pregnant. When Sue asked people who they thought was pregnant, they kept saying, "Your sister?" Sue kept saying, "No, I talked to my sister this morning too, but she's not the one who's pregnant." Later, Sue said that Elizabeth has known for months, but wanted to wait until Christmas to tell everyone. Even later still, Sue's sister called back and said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you: I'm pregnant."
7. Downtown Kimmy Brown set off a fart bomb on Christmas morning. No, not with her body: it was an actual fart bomb that Sue and Marilyn put in her stocking. We all had to clear the house, and everyone who lives in South Philly went and got candles from their houses. It was awful.
6. Uh did you guys realize it's only like a few days till NYE? Let's get to hoarding those Sparks!!!
5. This was a very good way to end Christmas:
4. I turned my phone off when I was with my family yesterday. After dinner, I turned it on and there were like seven generic "Merry Christmas" messages. A few minutes later, a message showed up from Conrad. I thought, "Oh, Jesus, there is no way he's wishing everyone a merry Christmas." Sure enough, it was a mass text about Eartha Kitt dying. This made me pretty upset, but I'm calling it a funny thing because a) Eartha Kitt would die on Christmas, and b) the only thing that's going to make Conrad send a mass text on Christmas is if a gay icon dies.
R.I.P.
3. Sue gave me shotglasses made out of candy cane. The box says, "You'll never drink out of real glasses again!"
2. Sue: "It's so nice that we can hang out since none of us saw our families today...oh, wait, I guess I'm the only one that didn't see my family today."
1. The other night after Tequilamas 2K8, we ended up at Reyes' hardcore night at the Khyber, where we kind of flipped out--Ben and I kept hurling ourselves at walls, and I landed on my ass with a beer bottle under me. Dan K started throwing chairs at the DJ booth and the skylight. They came and kicked out the four DJs, who all work at Rustica. Oops, merry Christmas guys.
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