a case of Mondays

two conversations

1. (we were at the movies)
Sarah: "Oh, hey guys. Do you care if I sit here? Are you two on a date?"
Ryan: "Yeah, we are"
Sarah: "Wait - you're not gay?!"
Ryan: "Believe me. I'm just as surprised as you are."


2. (Topic was: "What would I do if Sarah moved out of Beulah")
Sarah: "Well, you should live with Andy. No. You shouldn't. you'll start doing lots of drugs and make weird sex videos. Don't you think so?"
Sue: "No. Not at all."

TEXT-SAVER, OCT 8-15.

Here's where we'll be in less than two weeks' time:





I've liked the song below ever since it came out, and today, I found out it may be about a restaurant in Valencia that features drag shows.

Dinner, anyone?

"Tyurangalila" - Kelley Polar

FIFTEEN SECONDS, #2

"Ms. Moose"?

WHY DON'T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD?

[Pinchefresco, Bangs, Twenty-two.]

I'm lucky to know you, too.
Party of the year.
TWENTY funny things.



1. M asking for ID when a suspiciously young-looking 22-year-old with the same birthday as her asked for her phone number. (Happy birthday, M.)

2. Let's take a vote. Flyering and posting on public events pages for house parties: pro or con?

3. People thinking Chris D. was my boyfriend:


4. People thinking Tim R. was Eric, who is my boyfriend.

5. Overheard a million times: "Oh God, they got Sparks? That shit is so nasty. OK, I'm gonna go get one."

6. I throw too many parties, as evidenced by the fact that everyone kept coming up to me to say things like, "Thanks for throwing this party." It wasn't my party.

7. NEW SLANG: When you commit so many party fouls that everything starts to get blamed on you -- pissing on the neighbor's wall, spray-painting the other neighbor's wall, being a creepy asshole to my sister, running around everywhere yelling about drugs at stentorian volumes, dressing like a retard, stealing the money donations from the jar at the bar you stood behind for an hour while you drank everybody's beer and liquor -- you are known as a PARTY TRAIN DE-RAILER. Way to go, sir. No wonder your Lonely Hearts Club Band is so lonely. Next time, get a ticket to ride and ride it far, far away from our party.

8. Anastasia making the rounds with a bucket of pretzels in her left hand and a bucket of Twizzlers in her right, offering them to everyone:

Anastasia is the best possible example of the exact opposite of a Party Train De-Railer. She's the one you always want around. (Happy birthday, A.)

9. I never made it over to foursquare, but a few times, there was a loud commotion from the foursquare court, and when I looked over, each time everyone was pointing angrily and Conrad and yelling all at once, and he was hoarding the ball to himself and gesticulating wildly, obviously trying to defend himself against the angry mob.

10. So many people asking for phone numbers. So many people saying no. Obviously, summer is over.

11. The recycling bin was a kinetic sculpture.

12. My parents. They could have their own Ten Funny Things, but I'll spare you. Some favorite moments:
a. My dad loved Horse Balls, but scowled when he heard the name.
b. They were both very confused by the existence of Sparks. My mom asked to smell it. I let her, and she simply could not understand.
c. They asked me eight or nine times to explain the difference between Sue and Sarah.
d. Apparently, my mom loves Justice. She went in and danced by herself to "D.A.N.C.E," and Dan K was severely creeped out behind the DJ booth.

13. "Why do your friends keep saying 'Happy Birthday' to each other?"

14. Rosalyn (neighbor across the street) coming out to meet us. She told me we should go all night because it is a beautiful thing to be young and alive.

15. Somebody asking D.C. if he's a bike messenger.


16. Burroughs is the only dog I have ever seen who waits for permission at the end of each block before he crosses the street.

17. When J. says it's going to be over at two, it ends at two.

18. Melissa said she was going home to get changed. She went home, got changed, dyed and cut her hair, and came back with Purple Dave, who never comes to parties and stayed for like three hours.

19. THERE WERE BATHROOMS INSIDE. How hard is that?

20. The whole way home, and for a half an hour after we got home, Dan was excited and on fire about scaring the shit out of people once he decided to turn into a bouncer. He looked like he'd found his calling.

So...
...when's the next one?

I have a camera phone, I keep it in my pocket.

1. Marilyn is a party train conductor.



2. That guy with the Sgt. Pepper jacket who stumbled upon the party, realized he was our waiter at Silk, and told M he was "GETTING COCAINE!".

(here, some bikes)

3. I got the dirtiest legs on the roof.



4. Philthy at 607. Conrad calls for a truce.

5. Foursquare with the neighborhood. Rematch on Sunday morning with the same little kids, their dad, older brothers. They talk about "that guy with the glasses" (Conrad) who took the game really seriously. Then we got ditched for Xbox.

6. There were three people asleep in the living room when we went to after party at Beulah. I made Andy D get off the couch and go sleep in my room while we played PCTP. Then, when we wanted to go to bed at 6, I made him wake up and get out of my bed and go sleep on the couch.



7. Lauren straigt up dragged Keegan from the party and down the street.



8. Met "Karl Marx" at Beulah. Alex put him in a taxi to send him home, and apparently the cabbie didn't know where "16th and Reed" was, so the taxi just waited on Beulah for 5 minutes while the driver called the dispatcher to get directions. We were all a little worried.






9. I kind of love Amelia's dog.



10. Breakfast the next day.

TEXT-SAVER, 9/21-23.

Here's our weekend:

FRIDAY:

Birthday cocktails in South Philly, then TURBOSTATION!!!!! at Transit. Come for the Sass, stay for the vomitous free malt beverages.

SATURDAY:
DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH


All-day block party at 607 with murals, hopscotch, double dutch, bbq, and friends. We can even take a field trip to the festival at 10th and Dickinson, if you want. Then at 10, the traffic barriers stay up and the lights go down so you can shake your ass. BYOB + free Sparks + the best DJs I know + my sister's and Ana's birthdays + you = BITCHIN'!!!

SUNDAY: I don't know. Anybody else want to geek out to JImmy Stewart and have late-night champagne and waffles or something?

Countingmee on a rad even after he prop meet x.outl 6t

1. So many people I haven't seen in years all in one room.
2. It's pretty great when we take M out for her birthday and I disappear for the night as soon as we get in the door.
3. M kept coming over to say hi and I kept screaming, "IT'S OK! IT'S OK! HE'S KISSING SOMEBODY TOO!!!" and pushing her away. I am really actually the worst brother.
4. Courvoisier should never, never, ever be drunk as a shot.
5. I may have made out with Sarah. I'm gonna need to check up on that.
6. Two boys blowing each other in the downstairs bathroom! And the whole bathroom just watched them!
7. Three times I heard this conversation:

A: "This DJ is so good, isn't he?"
B: "Yeah."
[pause to listen and dance]
B: "Actually no, not really."
A: "Yeah, I know."

8. Dan's text to me: "We should start calling people by their initials like on 'Gossip Girl.'" Mine to D: "We kind of have been for a while."
9. When I get a little less drunk and start to realize I don't want to be making out with certain boys, I'm apparently really good at introducing them to each other and watching them go home together.
10. I really like cabbies who remind you to check the seat for your cell phone, your wallet, and anything else you might be leaving behind.

ten is easy like Saturday monring.

1. That girl who saw Conrad and said, "I know you. You're the boy who only has one shirt."
2. That boy Luis videotaping everything from the stage. How exciting.
3. A text I sent to myself that just says, "Eric and Sarah take sides in a bet".
4. Danny Platt coming out of the bathroom with two girls.
5. The Dan K shit-texts about Conrad. All 5 of them.
6. Another text I sent to myself that says, "Countingyoo on a rad even after he prop meet x.outl 6t". (Drunk texting myself is way better than drunk texing other people, I'm sure. I'm showing self restraint left and right).
7. I kissed that boy Alan?
8. I gave a lot of fliers for the block party. To a lot of strangers.
9. Someone said, "there's no such thing as no strings attached".
10. (from Marilyn)
M: "S, are you okay to get home tonight? Do you have a ride?"
S: "of course!"
M: "Who's taking you home?"
S: (pointing to various boys at Transit) "Him. or him. or him?" (all nod).

TWO DAYS.

1. "I've been paying attention a little bit more to what I've been wording." - Ben
2. "These are better than McDonald's fries." - Marilyn
3. Kevin tried to grab Sue's fannypack and in the process lifted her off the ground and carried her around for a while.
4. Multiple bathroom partners on a Wednesday when there are about thirty people in the room and everyone looks like they want to go to sleep.
5. Hiding bags because they are dirty and their designers are in the next room.
6. When you watch "Almost Famous" with Ben Gallman, he raises Matt LeBlanc above his head and says, "The Lamb of God."
7. Feeling guilty about not going out.
8. 4 1/2 hr. nightlife planning board meetings.
9. Elaborate relationship paranoias dealing with imagined covert sexual investigations.
10. Shut-off cell phones.

Silk City has booths, Beulah has buglars

1. Making bets about whether or not we have 25 friends.
2. It's so easy and hard to list them.
3. (Some people get half-friend credits.)
4. The people that are too good (and then aren't too good) to say "hi" (you know who I mean, A) aren't too good to say hi to Conrad?
5. Khari?
6. Getting a call that someone's broken into your house.
7. Learning to lock windows.
8. 8 cops making 8 comments about Matt leBlanc and his haircut.
9. Scaredy-cat sleepovers.
10. Passport mornings.

FIFTEEN SECONDS, #1

DO: Find people you barely know but see every night being criticized for their attempts at being noticed.

DON'T: Find people you really like being so criticized.

DO: Realize that fortunately for them, not only will they always be a total DO for you, but there's more bragging rights in being a DON'T.

Rough Draft.

Ten from the weekend:

1. Skirts getting caught above the waistline; friends yanking them down for you.
2. I fell out of a chair.
3. Some people are still too good to say hello. Tsk, tsk.
4. All-day movie passes at the Ritz.
5. I went walking in my sleep and almost peed in Sue's hallway. I don't think Sarah would have ever talked to me again.
6. Which is worse: incomprehensible text messages, or a series of eight blank text messages in the span of ten minutes?
7. A good way to lose your sunglasses is to pass them around to everyone while they're trying to dance and force them to wear them for a while.
8. Some people are all of a sudden NOT too good to say hello. Tut, tut.
9. A: You should come to the party tonight after work.
B: What's the party for?
A. Mexican Independence Day.
B: Then why are the Mexicans working?
10. "Party-retired" is meaningless.

Thanks guys. I needed that.

backblog (9.10.7)

1. You taught me "irresponsible" in Spanish. Not a tricky word, but an important one.
2. Miller Light.
3. Getting yelled at by a boy in a cape.
4. Being accused of drawing a swastika. Later saluting the accuser, and being threatened.
5. Knowing a lot of people at a frat party?
6. Losing & getting my wallet.
7. Staying up 'til seven. Again.
8. Some other funny things I don't want to say.
9. Picture of Christopher on the www! (also, implied, Frat pictures on yapsnaps and philthy? Weird)

backblog (9.7.7)

(a short list)

1. more note passing activity than 7th grade study hall
2. my arm says, "buy me beer (cervasa)" (Christopher)
3. a myspace message from someone today that said, "I think I saw you at silk city last night?" let's be friends (no)
4. people realizing there's only 34 songs from the 1990's that are worthwhile, and we've heard them every Thursday
5. dumb outgoing texts to someone I just met (this is my specialty)

(that's all I've got)

backblog (8.13.7)

Your list was first:

1. 2 people said "Help me not make out with Conrad."
2. Jehan made out with Conrad.
3. "Maybe it's OK if Jehan makes out with Conrad. Right?" "Yeah, I actually think that's fine."
4. Marilyn told me she was really impressed that I managed not to make out with anybody because I love Eric. The way she said it, it was obvious that she absolutely expected to have to pull me off some boy's face.
5. Conrad #2 in the girl's bathroom.
6. While you were making out with somebody, Sarah pointed at you, laughing, and said, "She looks so happy."
7. Adam's sister was completely overwhelmed by Marilyn. First, she was amazed that there were two sisters at the same party (she was pretty drunk), and then she started yelling that we looked exactly alike and were possibly twins, and that we should ask our mom if that might be true.
8. I peed my pants. In the bathroom. Then I went back out and danced for about an hour.
10. Ben and I were hungry on the way home, but I was all, "NO CHEESESTEAKS." So we went to Wawa. Where I realized that I did want a cheesesteak after all. So I got a Wawa cheesesteak.

Moral of the story: Do not ever, under any circumstances, eat a Wawa cheesesteak.

(BONUS #11: I woke up in Ben's extra room on an air mattress on the floor this morning and seriously had absolutely no idea where the hell I was. Also, it took me a minute to find the door. I was filled with self loathing, because true to my reputation to which my sister alluded earlier, I assumed I had gotten piss-drunk and gone home with some boy, but then I was confused and creeped out, because why would he have shut me up in a tiny, hot room with an air mattress and no door? This was the way my brain was working until I finally found the door, recognized Ben's house, stumbled into the street, and took a train to a deli in center city, where I threw up some nasty cheesesteak in the alley, went inside, and, reaching for a vitamin water, accidentally sent three of them flying across the aisle, where they all exploded on the floor and made a giant lavender puddle. Then I popped Madonna on my ipod and headed home.)

It may be true that I'm getting too old for this. But for now, it's pretty great.



and mine:

I wrote a response list yesterday, but then lost the internets. A rough-draft reiteration:

"My Old-School Making Time List with 2 variations"
1. Pregamed. Shouldn't bother with Making Time, especially if we get there at 9:15.
2. Got drunk.
3. Made out with a boy/gave him my number.
4. Sarah snapped (Talkin' Shit's) Kelly's bra.
5. DC in Philly!

XO
Also, your #8 and #10 make you gross.

backblog (8.4.7)

(must have been a friday)

Mine was short:
1. Bikes
2. Casi tried to introduce me to Kurt.
3. When that weird guy kept rubbing my shoulders.
4. Steve Miller (so) drunk.
5. Seeing through the holes in the floor.

Yours was longer:
1. Noah's Ark party
2. "Amanda Blank! Please stop talking and come over here! We are your real, true friends and we love you!" (That was Rose)
3. I liked watching black guys trying not to freak out over those two TALLLL gay boys
4. Firemen giving directions (to "The Arts")
5. when there was a spill and they turned the stage lights on so they could clean it up and people swarmed to the stage so people could see them dancing
6. DIPLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
7. you mentioned drunk Steve, but did you hear him say he was DRUNK ON SPARKS because he "had to drink it"? This is gonna be so much fun.
8. overheard: "I am so drunk. I'm not gonna remember ANY of this tomorrow. That means I can do whatever I want!"
9. I love 3am bike rides
10. most people would have been a 3rd wheel. Not you, never. i like that so much.

backblog (7.29.7)

(just the middle of a list)

4. You must have "Don't make out with Conrad" in your quicktext by now.
5. Conrad drove me home and we played cribbage and watched a movie. I told him he could sleep over, platonic-style, I also told him that we weren't going to make out. (We didn't. Please, that ship has SO sailed) He said something along the lines of, "Well, when James sleeps over, don't you make out with him?"


and you,

Oh, I do have one addition to your list: Tony, the bouncer, was reeeeeeally worried about last night. He came into Rustica yesterday and said, "Dawg. Dawg. Free Colt 45? At Silk Goddamn City? And they advertisin' that shit in the paper? You serious? Maaaaaaaan, that place will fill up with brothaz so fast, and then four or five C-45's in, they gonna start fightin'.
You know I'm packin' heat tonight."
And it's true: he wore a gun!

Backblog (7.29.07)

1. "Pot-tato Salad." Sarah had everyone convinced. I kept overhearing things like, "Dude, I'm totally going back for more potatio salad. I am so fucked up," and, "How do you do that? Is it in the mayonnaise, or what?"

2. Ben: "Wait! Wait! The potato salad?"
Me: "It's not true. It's just potato salad."
Ben: "The potato salad downstairs? Are you serious?"
Me: "Not true."
Ben: "Shit, I'm getting some of that potato salad."

3. Scottish boy begged me to find him a trick. Also, he started drunken beer song sing-a-longs. Then he freaked out about a stolen blue bag--which was on the arm of the girl who owned it.

4. Adriel making fun of Scottish boy while he stood behind her and watched.

5. Texts that say "I'm sorry" for no apparent reason.

6. Dan's parents.

7. Eric and I had the same friends. Jesse and Jess II dated in high school.

8. Strangers telling me they'd heard about another fridge upstairs in "somebody's bedroom who lives here" if I wanted to find the secret beers. Me telling them, "Oh, sweet. I'll totally go ask my roommate Woods if it's in his fridge."

9. "Why won't anyone be my friend?" (UPDATE: Glad we're friends now.

10. Homeless Cubans who wander in and try to start fights but aren't very successful because they keep getting sidetracked and talking about Joy Division, Echo and the Bunnymen, and the Verve Pipe.

backblog (6.29.7)

(it must have been a Thursday)

Mine:
1. SO MANY girls with highlights at first party
2. Rap-battle between Dre and Jarrott, our new friends
3. Blaming others for spilling Sarah's drink (when really I knocked it over. She almost made some poor girl buy her another drink)
4. Not seeing Conrad for a million and then him being super skinny?
5. the 90's
6. You

Yours:
Also:
1. Sweat mingling
2. Sarah talking to work-Christopher
3. Work-Heather dancing like a little girl
4. Free drinks from the chef and the owner (and they bitched out the bartender for trying to charge us)
5. You handing Tony the bouncer your beer
6. Everybody liking Eric
7. You.

backblog (6.5.7)

(not a list)

S: If you get bored today, you could think of possible reasons I'm developing a really itchy rash, and you could tell me the possibilities.

A: I think there is something in your house. I had similar troubles. Maybe the carpet?

Or maybe James?

S: I hope I'm allergic to James. I hope we both are.

A: I don't think I could ever be allergic to James.