HALF THE NUMBER OF MAKING TIMES YOU'VE BEEN TO, PLUS 7. (OR, "BUT I WAS THERE.")

We are old.

(Some of us.)


Link: The Desperate Aging Hipster Handbook

Worse, the clubs are packed with the next wave of sweaty bleached hair, bike seat burn, thigh bruises, and Sparks-tongue (still, somehow).

"Better-looking people with better ideas and more talent. And who are actually really, really nice." Sound familiar?



Remember when that song was about us?

We're probably not to this stage yet, but what if?

Some people make aging look good:



Rest in peace, Bea. I actually cried watching that.

If you've been around recently, you've probably noticed that some of us have been talking about how we've become progressively less enthusiastic about going out to clubs in Philly.

Siobhan and I spent a lot of time talking about this the other night. There was a really recent time when we could go to the Barbary, Silk City, Sal's (concrete proof we're old), etc. and know every single person in the room. Maybe we weren't actually friends, but we knew all of their names, what they did, etc, and so did they.

Now we go in, and just about everyone is a 21-year-old stranger. And those are the older kids.

I know every dirty nook and cranny of every bar in this town; I have performed every possible bodily function of the bathrooms. I know all of the gheys that are old enough to rent a car.

"It's what you learn after your second theme party: it's all been done before."


Recently I've gotten more joy out of rehearsing my scene from Angels In America or any other schoolwork than even thinking about going out and dancing. I miss friends, and it's good to see them when I do, but most times that we go out are disappointing and just remind me of when it was all new.

DOWNLOAD:
Merle Haggard - "Wishin' All These Old Things Were New"

"Good times like the roarin' twenties
And the roarin' eighties too..."

I've had no interest in going to Making Time lately. I might go to Snacks this Tuesday just because all the "School's Out" crowd will be there, and because I miss Woody's, but recently I go to MT or look at it online, and it's just a huge room with hundreds of people I don't want to meet. Meanwhile my friends are at home, throwing a better house party with better music.

Plus, there was the issue of this 19-year-old I almost accidentally had a date with this week (but didn't, guys). I got blasted by everyone except Rapey. Dan told me that the rule is "half your age, plus seven." Which for me would be 21. I hate to admit that he kind of makes sense. I really really hate it when rules make sense.



The fact is, you're still going to see me out a lot. At the end of June, I'm moving in with Lauren above Trax foods. Anytime you're at KFN, JB's, the Barbz, El Bar, whatever, just give me a call and if I'm not already there, you know I'll probably come over and say hi, even if I'm in the middle of some project for school. That's just how I roll.

But my life's different now. At the Barbary last week, it was so much easier to be lame, get tired, and want to go home than to try to keep up with Deven and Donna and all the other 21-year-olds who were doing this for the first time. I was really happy for them and I just wanted to be happy for them at home, watching Hairspray and drinking cocktails, or maybe getting sweaty dancing to James Brown or Desmond Dekker, but not nameless soulless coke soundtrack rave music. That was fun for a while, but I've just been doing it too long.

DOWNLOAD:
Pase Rock - "The Motherfucking Rave Is Over"

Anyway, without intending to, I've changed a lot. Still figuring out exactly how. But I'm moving, and moving on, and so I'm moving to a new blog, too. Expect submissions from other friends, drunken audio posts, and mind-blowing gossip.


KEEPINGHAPPENING.TUMBLR.COM
KEEPINGHAPPENING.TUMBLR.COM
KEEPINGHAPPENING.TUMBLR.COM
KEEPINGHAPPENING.TUMBLR.COM
KEEPINGHAPPENING.TUMBLR.COM
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KEEPINGHAPPENING.TUMBLR.COM

This is the last Ten Funny post. I'll leave it here because I love going out with you guys and being retarded, and I don't want us to forget it. There'll be some of that on the new blog (although probably no lists), plus other stuff.

I just don't want run another boring "nightlife blog" when I'm more interested in daylife, you know?

Besides, Tumblr's just a lot prettier and more fun.

Please leave comments or send suggestions to keepinghappening@gmail.com.



This is happy!
<3<3<3

BONUS:

One more. I couldn't help it.



EXTRA BONUS: PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING, PART TWO
Strike 2 for these guys. Berets: never, never, never. Unless you are French,Lauren, a douchebag community theater director, or Rerun.



Take it from me, kids, because I learned it the hard way: just because they sell it at AA doesn't mean you have to wear it.

THIS WEEKEND:

Tonight, I'm going to Olga's because I always say yes to house parties now.



Then, midnight movies at the Ritz: Back to the Future. See? I'm excited about going to the movies on Saturday night. Also, I remember when Back to the Future came out. Two reasons I'm old, and I'm fine with both of them.

Tomorrow, I'll be at a dinner party at my professor's house.

Welcome to my life.

Love youse. See ya on Tumblr.

A

THIS BLOG DIES THIS WEEKEND

There can only be one

(more post after this one. Then it's keepinghappening.tumblr.com).

NOT A HEADLINE

How am I suddenly so critical of every little habit in my life?

Today's questionable vice: mp3 blogs. You Ain't No Picasso posted this bit of nerdboy non-news today:



And as much as I love Of Montreal, the actual song in question sounds like a bad community theater audition. Why are people downloading this?

HERE COMES THE WEEKEND

TEN REASONS TO BE GLAD:

10. John and Catie (O'Brien) Beardsley, in town tonight.


9. Holly's "Dress As Your Mii" party tomorrow night.

8. Thad's "try my pizza" thing tomorrow.

7. Lyfestile.

6. Not doing Making Time (let's hang out on your back porch after 1 tonight, call me).

5. Not doing Britney.

4. 85 degrees. Time with you.

3. New glasses. (The blue ones.)

2. Date.

1. Bikes.

PARTY TOGETHER, DIE ALONE

Lostume party, May 30. I'll be there after Donna's art show and the King Khan and the Shrines/BBQ show. (Oops, wrong month.)

I have two song requests.

DOWNLOAD:
Mama Cass - "Make Your Own Kind of Music"

DOWNLOAD:
Driveshaft - "You All Everybody"

HOW DO I GET...

...my cousins to stop going to Christian music concerts? Or should I stay totally hands-off and let them make the same mistakes I made?




(Can you believe there's a "Christian metalcore" band now called The Devil Wears Prada?)

I saw on Facebook that one of my 18-year-old cousins is going to this Xian music festival. I know that game.

I went to Cornerstone, I spent the entire week NOT getting laid (by a cut-from-marble hippie who stared at me the whole time I was in the shower stall across from him and touched himself, not kidding), NOT doing a dangerous amount of drugs, and NOT flirting with being a hippie before learning why I shouldn't be a hippie.

I could have avoided an 8-year delayed adolescence by going to at least one (1) normal-people music festival, keeping having lots of go-get-it with people, doing dangerous amounts of drugs, and learning why I shouldn't be a hippie.

Although: one of my cousins is moving to Philly for the summer and she's a PARTY ANIMAL, and another one, the 18-year-old, just discovered R5 productions and, well, the R5, so expect to run into her with me at a show sometime soon. She really freaked me out on Easter talking about her favorite band.


Remember these guys? REMEMBER WHEN ONE OF THEM WAS ON ELIMIDATE? Remember when I found their CD at the Kampers' last weekend, along with like 500 other Christian CDs?

I guess even though I stopped bro-ing down with Jesus and started nutting-up with the geighs, it's still OK to listen to some Christians sometimes:



What friends do we have that still "rock for the Lord"? What friends do we have that still "ROCK 4 LIFE"?

I WANNA BE RAD

I guess I wanna be just like Conrad or something: I'm soooo straight edge this week.

xxTRYINTOQUITSMOKINGxx

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Saturday night I paid $7.25 at Trax Foods for a pack of Marlboro Lights. That was the end of it. I officially can't afford to smoke. I won't even be taking your free ones, because they'll make me want to buy more. Just done, period. This is not really about my health. Maybe someday if they lower the price again, I'll unquit. For now, though, I don't smoke, ever. For this week, that pretty much means no drinking, too, cause that'll make me want to smoke. Maybe I'll have a drink or two this weekend--we'll see. And no, Krawiec, I will not try SNUS to quit cigarettes.

Meh, no big deal.

(PS I was doing some Google Image Searching on pictures of SNUS, and everything that came up was way too gross for this blog. Ugh.)


Miss you already, Joe.

DEBBEN!!! BAR-BEE-KYOO CHEE-KENNN!!!

1. Sometimes you finish work, hang out getting drunk for a few hours, go to a show for free, run up the block for a drink, get bought free drinks for no reason, bike down to CC for a party, and drink a lot more...all because you thought you didn't have to work until 5pm the next day, so you could avoid any potential hangover action by just staying in bed for a while. Then the other manager at your restaurant calls at 2am and begs you, BEGS YOU to work in the morning because he's rushing home and some girl just called him to say she was in a cab on the way to his house. So then you spend the next day in agony.

2. Somebody sat in my lap and I got a date out of it.

3. Seth's a grownup.

4. Jackie (Pete M's ex) was at the Bike Stop and knows everyone I know from different weird channels. She knew Brooks from living in the suburbs, Ricky from hair school...it was weird. Lives in the city now. PS- Brooks was there!

5. The El Bar. I don't even know how to begin. So much slurred speech and illegal things everywhere, but it's so goddamn friendly.

6. Pizza for tickets.

7. Everybody knows Bikini Kill songs except me. I'm working on it.

8. Every time I saw an Asian girl this weekend, I thought it was the HPSTRGRFTR and checked for her chest tat. I don't care if it's racist; I want those R5 tickets!!!

9. Sarah's cowboys and Indians essay. It tells the story of my life.

10. Life imitates art as Conrad has begun to blog about me as much as I blog about him. The hunter has become the hunted, the master the student.

If you see Deven, say "BARBECUE CHICKEN!!!" in a Mexican accent. Don't ask questions, just do it.

XOXO

Download:
Bikini Kill - "Outta Me"
Download:
Bikini Kill - "Distinct Complicity"

NOOOO

Please tell me this is not actually happening:

<3<3<3

MORNING!

WRITING TEN FUNNY PAPERS (IN INDIA)

WORD, COUSIN (EASTER AT GRANDPA'S)

10. We sent my two teenage skater boy cousins outside to hide the eggs for the kids (I'm the oldest of 27 grandkids, the youngest of which is almost two years old), and they "hid" them mostly on the tailgates of my uncles' trucks outside.



9. My 19-year-old cousin S. just discovered R5 Productions. Expect to run into her a lot this summer. She casually mentioned her obsession with MeWithoutYou. That was weird.



8. My Grandpa is notoriously obsessed with trains, having retired several years ago from a long career as a conductor. At some point in every family gathering, I offhandedly bait him with a mention of some trip I took--it could be to Boston on Amtrak, or it could be from Temple to work at Rustica. He will talk for twenty minutes about all the different routes you can take to get there. Sometimes, when I really feel like developing a deep emotional connection with him, I bring up the subject of West Philly trolleys. We recite together the holy litany of trolley numbers and destinations, argue in the same way we have a million times about which trolley comes out of which tunnel when, and then if we're really feeling good we move on to the light rail lines. This is where he always stumps me. I'm no match for him.

7. One of my aunts made CANDY DEVILED EGGS. The women in my family are domestic overachievers. (They say the only way to clean a floor is on your hands and knees.)

6. I made a classic Andy gaffe when my aunt told me 10 ships disappear at sea a week: "What? That's impossible. 10 a week? That would be 3,650 ships a year." Oops.



5. So many jokes about "fags" were happening. I'm not out to all of them yet, and I almost said something, but every time, the joke was legitimately funny. When they make a joke that's offensive AND lame, that's when I'll throw in my two gay cents.

4. My four-year-old cousin said, "Your hair's weird." I said, "I know." He said, "I hate it."




3. He also referred to me as "Guy," "Hair," and "Pizza."

2. He also referred to my mom as "Pizza."

1. Also, his mom told me that they potty-trained him like a year ago, but he's recently been on this weird kick where he'll be outside playing and just not really feel like going all the way inside to relieve himself, so he'll just shit his pants. Then later, when he's finished playing, he goes inside, shrugs, and says, "Hi, Mom. I was lazy and pooped in my pants." She makes him go back outside and sit in it for fifteen minutes.



Download:
"Dirty Ol' Egg-Suckin' Dog" - Johnny Cash

Also:

Why did this picture show up when I googled "Easter bunny gay"?

TU FUNNY THINGS

10. Two people at separate times during the day today ran their hands through my hair before introducing themselves.

9. Zolani is totally uninterested in TV unless we're watching "Baby Signing Time" or sports. Or, as we found out tonight, "The Office." He just could not stop laughing. (He's 22 months.)

8. Keep having to talk to one of the three people on earth I don't like. Had to give him free pizza the other night, too.

7. This girl in my Spanish class told me that when I speak Spanish, she "gets chills."

6. Found out that next week, when this kid in my acting class has to "drop trou" for his scene, that beforehand all the guys in the class have to "drop trou" in solidarity with him.

5. Also acting class: we had this exercise where we had to get our partner to do something but only using the words "one, two, three, four, five, six," and "seven." When the professor told everybody to stop, there was still one kid menacing another kid with, "Yeah, that's right, I said THREE!!!"

4. Conrad just will not blog. :(

3. I think I might go Puritan for a while. Wanna stop smoking because I don't get very much out of exercise, and it's soo hard to stop when you're drinking. Maybe next week.

2. I got friend-requested on Myspace by this guy.

1.James will be "inside of" Philly this weekend.